The best way avoiding tooth decay lies in establishing positive habits. This is especially important for children who must learn that frequent teeth brushing and eating the right food is important to maintain healthy white teeth.
Bad teeth are always caused by eating the wrong food and not cleaning the teeth. First of all your children should brush teeth at least twice a day, but better after each meal. Replace the toothbrush every month because of the bacteria that will grow on the tooth brush over time. Also the bristles become ineffective and can even hurt the gum.
There are also bacteria on your tongue. Brush your tongue or use a tongue cleaner. A dental floss is important to remove dirt between your teeth which couldn't be reached by your tooth brush.
Don't use refined sugar in any form. Sweeties are very bad for your teeth and accelerates tooth decay. Also drinks like Cola or Fanta contain lots of sugar and are not healthy at all. It's very difficult for children to give up on sweeties.
Our body gets used to the strong sweetness of candies similar to an addiction. There are some easy but effective ways to reduce this strong desire.
The first step in avoiding a bad habit and replacing it by a good habit is to make it more difficult to do whats bad for us. Just erect barriers in front of the bad habits. That means when your children are addicted to chocolate for instance, then make it more difficult to get to chocolate. Make sure that there is no chocolate in the house at all or just a little. Make sure they have no money to buy it. Often we just eat sweeties because they lie around everywhere and are so easy to reach. Not matter how much they beg, there is no chocolate left. Period.
However, this was just the first step. In the second step we must replace the chocolate with something else what is similar but much healthier. The body wants something sweet. The best would be fresh fruits which give the body the sugar it demands. A fresh cup of orange juice is a great choice. Or make sure your children have always access to a bowl of fresh fruits which is cut into nice little pieces. Make it easy for them to eat the right things and make it difficult to get the bad things.
For the first days where the desire for some strong sweetness is still big, give your children dried fruits. They are very sweet as well, especially dried dates. After a few days you and your children will notice that you don't look our for sweeties so much anymore. And even when you eat them, you recognize that they are too sweet and that you don't like them that much anymore.
Tooth decay can be easily avoided with such simple steps. There is no punishment or strong will needed when you follow simple rules. It's difficult just in the beginning but then gets easier with every time. Healthy white teeth are important today and can avoid painful and expensive visits at your dentist.
About The Author Frank Denber provides detailed information on teeth whitening, cosmetic dentistry, dental implants, porcelain veneers and more at his web site http://www.DentistryList.com.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Should I Monitor my Son or Daughter's Online Activity?
This has become an increasingly sensitive question with parents. Some parents believe that they should not infringe on their child's privacy under any circumstance, some parents believe that they can infringe on their child's privacy at any time, and other parents are somewhere in between. Finding the balance of what a parent should do is often times very tricky. In my experience, if you believe that your child is going to harm themselves or another person, or if your child has been harmed by someone, then the answer is very simply, yes.
Let's explore what I mean by a child harming themselves. This means that your child is in POTENTIAL Danger of becoming hurt, harmed or killed. Some of the things that would fall into this category, but not limited to, is: drug use and abuse, thoughts of committing suicide, gang related activity, unprotected sex with multiple partners, running away from home, prostitution, drunk driving, increased depression, poor/lack of attendance at school, having possession of a firearm or weapon, cutting behavior and the list could go on. All of these behaviors should be addressed promptly either with family counseling, individual counseling or group counseling. In the event that your child has made threats to commit suicide, this requires Immediate Treatment. No threat should be considered an idle threat. Girls are more likely to attempt suicide and boys are more likely to complete suicide, due to the ways they attempt suicide. Girls are more likely to attempt to overdose on drugs and boys are more likely to use firearms or hanging.
Let's explore what I mean by a child harming another person. If your child has been making threats that they are going to hurt, bully, fight, terrorize, frighten, stalk or harm someone, then counseling would be advised. Anger management counseling would be most appropriate. Again, if your child threatens they have homicidal thoughts and would like to kill someone or has fantasies of killing someone, then Immediate Treatment is required.
Finally, if your child has been harmed by someone. This would include your child being the victim of bullying, cyber bullying, molestation, rape, mental or physical torture, stalking etc. Counseling for all types of victimization is necessary. The need to rebuild self esteem in victims is important. Identifying feelings, processing past trauma and coping with the past and present are critical factors in this counseling process.
In recent years, all of these events are on the rise. We are seeing more violence, and completed suicides then ever before. Children usually tell others what they are thinking. They may tell a friend over the phone, at school or on the computer. They may write it down in a journal or a diary. Finding these pieces of information are important in being able to prevent further loss and damage.
About The Author Wendy McLellan MA, LCDPII is a licensed mental health and substance abuse counselor, with more than sixteen years of experience. She has recently devoted time to the efforts of http://www.safecomputerkids.com in their goal to provide parental internet safety tools and resources to the public.
Let's explore what I mean by a child harming themselves. This means that your child is in POTENTIAL Danger of becoming hurt, harmed or killed. Some of the things that would fall into this category, but not limited to, is: drug use and abuse, thoughts of committing suicide, gang related activity, unprotected sex with multiple partners, running away from home, prostitution, drunk driving, increased depression, poor/lack of attendance at school, having possession of a firearm or weapon, cutting behavior and the list could go on. All of these behaviors should be addressed promptly either with family counseling, individual counseling or group counseling. In the event that your child has made threats to commit suicide, this requires Immediate Treatment. No threat should be considered an idle threat. Girls are more likely to attempt suicide and boys are more likely to complete suicide, due to the ways they attempt suicide. Girls are more likely to attempt to overdose on drugs and boys are more likely to use firearms or hanging.
Let's explore what I mean by a child harming another person. If your child has been making threats that they are going to hurt, bully, fight, terrorize, frighten, stalk or harm someone, then counseling would be advised. Anger management counseling would be most appropriate. Again, if your child threatens they have homicidal thoughts and would like to kill someone or has fantasies of killing someone, then Immediate Treatment is required.
Finally, if your child has been harmed by someone. This would include your child being the victim of bullying, cyber bullying, molestation, rape, mental or physical torture, stalking etc. Counseling for all types of victimization is necessary. The need to rebuild self esteem in victims is important. Identifying feelings, processing past trauma and coping with the past and present are critical factors in this counseling process.
In recent years, all of these events are on the rise. We are seeing more violence, and completed suicides then ever before. Children usually tell others what they are thinking. They may tell a friend over the phone, at school or on the computer. They may write it down in a journal or a diary. Finding these pieces of information are important in being able to prevent further loss and damage.
About The Author Wendy McLellan MA, LCDPII is a licensed mental health and substance abuse counselor, with more than sixteen years of experience. She has recently devoted time to the efforts of http://www.safecomputerkids.com in their goal to provide parental internet safety tools and resources to the public.
Low Self Esteem and its Impact on a Child's Psyche
Low self esteem can begin to develop early in childhood, long before the concept is even understood by the child. Most of the traits underlying our personality are developed in early childhood. This means that a child with feelings of low self esteem is likely to carry them into adulthood without realizing it.
A child with low self esteem needs help to realize that not everything is his or her fault. He or she needs to understand that no person can succeed all the time, that perfection is an ideal and not a goal. However, that does not mean that such a child cannot attain spectacular success in life provided he/she is given the right guidance and motivation.
Low self esteem affects a child in many negative ways:-
1) Becoming an Over-Achiever - Some parents may find this prospect as something to cheer about but be assured that prodding your child to get high grades all the time does not equal good parenting. Children with low self esteem often becomes over achievers because they feel inadequate and think that they will receive love and respect only as long as they keep maintaining their high levels of performance.
2) Addiction - Drug addiction, smoking and alcoholism are the most common signs of a child with low self esteem. Such children often turn to drugs and alcohol in order to cover up what they feel are their inadequacies. Children with low self esteem often build a fantasy world in order to feel better about themselves.
3) Vulnerable to Peer Pressure - A child with low self esteem is often susceptible to peer pressure. In their search for acceptance and attention and to avoid becoming victims of bullying, they tend to cave in to pressures from the “in” groups in order to belong to a clique that is viewed as being “cool”, even if it means indulging in unacceptable behavior.
4) Depression – Feelings of being unloved, worthlessness and alienation are a constant in children of low self esteem. They are often depressed and unable to express their feelings due to embarrassment or shame. Depression in children can manifest itself chiefly through Eating Disorders, Suicide or Hypochondria.
a) Eating Disorders – By now the terms- bulimia and anorexia – have become part of daily conversation. However, despite the awareness of these conditions by the public at large, very few realize the extent of self loathing that must exist in a person for him/her to embark on an act so contrary to the human impulse of protecting self from harm.
b) Suicide – Suicide rates among young people have been increasing steadily over the years and the constant pressure by parents, schools, peer groups and society in general to strive for and achieve higher and higher goals is difficult enough for a well adjusted child. For one with low self esteem, this can be intolerable.
c) Hypochondria – A craving for attention is a characteristic trait of those suffering from low self esteem and what better way to achieve this than by claiming to be suffering from a myriad of diseases. The fact that no one believes them after a time merely confirms their idea of themselves as being worthless and so they either look for other gullible audience or increase the symptoms of their imagined illnesses. In extreme cases, they have even been known to inflict bodily harm on themselves in order to get the attention they so desperately seek.
Why is it so urgent that people help a child with low self esteem? A problem like this is much easier to overcome right at the beginning. For one thing, convincing an adult that he or she has low self esteem could be very hard. Moreover, childhood is the training ground where the adult is molded and shaped. Surely it is our duty as adults to make sure that we do all we can to ensure that the generation following us is equipped, not just on a physical and intellectual level but emotionally and psychologically as well, to face the challenges of their age.
About The Author Naresh Belliyappa is a software engineer and website developer. He can be contacted at narbell@hotmail.co.uk For more articles,please visit http://www.ebookmall4U.co.uk.
A child with low self esteem needs help to realize that not everything is his or her fault. He or she needs to understand that no person can succeed all the time, that perfection is an ideal and not a goal. However, that does not mean that such a child cannot attain spectacular success in life provided he/she is given the right guidance and motivation.
Low self esteem affects a child in many negative ways:-
1) Becoming an Over-Achiever - Some parents may find this prospect as something to cheer about but be assured that prodding your child to get high grades all the time does not equal good parenting. Children with low self esteem often becomes over achievers because they feel inadequate and think that they will receive love and respect only as long as they keep maintaining their high levels of performance.
2) Addiction - Drug addiction, smoking and alcoholism are the most common signs of a child with low self esteem. Such children often turn to drugs and alcohol in order to cover up what they feel are their inadequacies. Children with low self esteem often build a fantasy world in order to feel better about themselves.
3) Vulnerable to Peer Pressure - A child with low self esteem is often susceptible to peer pressure. In their search for acceptance and attention and to avoid becoming victims of bullying, they tend to cave in to pressures from the “in” groups in order to belong to a clique that is viewed as being “cool”, even if it means indulging in unacceptable behavior.
4) Depression – Feelings of being unloved, worthlessness and alienation are a constant in children of low self esteem. They are often depressed and unable to express their feelings due to embarrassment or shame. Depression in children can manifest itself chiefly through Eating Disorders, Suicide or Hypochondria.
a) Eating Disorders – By now the terms- bulimia and anorexia – have become part of daily conversation. However, despite the awareness of these conditions by the public at large, very few realize the extent of self loathing that must exist in a person for him/her to embark on an act so contrary to the human impulse of protecting self from harm.
b) Suicide – Suicide rates among young people have been increasing steadily over the years and the constant pressure by parents, schools, peer groups and society in general to strive for and achieve higher and higher goals is difficult enough for a well adjusted child. For one with low self esteem, this can be intolerable.
c) Hypochondria – A craving for attention is a characteristic trait of those suffering from low self esteem and what better way to achieve this than by claiming to be suffering from a myriad of diseases. The fact that no one believes them after a time merely confirms their idea of themselves as being worthless and so they either look for other gullible audience or increase the symptoms of their imagined illnesses. In extreme cases, they have even been known to inflict bodily harm on themselves in order to get the attention they so desperately seek.
Why is it so urgent that people help a child with low self esteem? A problem like this is much easier to overcome right at the beginning. For one thing, convincing an adult that he or she has low self esteem could be very hard. Moreover, childhood is the training ground where the adult is molded and shaped. Surely it is our duty as adults to make sure that we do all we can to ensure that the generation following us is equipped, not just on a physical and intellectual level but emotionally and psychologically as well, to face the challenges of their age.
About The Author Naresh Belliyappa is a software engineer and website developer. He can be contacted at narbell@hotmail.co.uk For more articles,please visit http://www.ebookmall4U.co.uk.
Teen Parenting Tips That Strengthen Your Bond
When dealing with your teenager, does this sound familiar? "What ever happened to that sweet little kid we used to have a few years ago?" Teens can be difficult, and this should not be surprising, considering all the changes during adolescence that they go through. You will need to up the ante on your patience to be able to cope with them.
Even though you were once a teenager, and may have been difficult to your parents, it still takes a lot of effort to understand what your teen is going through. It will be your responsibility to bridge the communication gap between you and your child.
This is not always easy, and you will have to do your best during two crucial periods in your childs life - adolescence and young adulthood. Your children will need all the guidance and understanding you can provide. Communication and understanding, during these sometimes trying times, may very well set the tone for the life decisions your child will make.
Here are a few tips that should help with teen parenting bonding issues:
1. Learn What Your Teen Enjoys – When your teen was a child, finding things to do was a snap. But, as they grow into their teens, you will have to work extra hard to learn about what your teens like. It may not be easy, but being able to relate to your teens likes and dislikes is integral to building an open and meaningful relationship with your child.
Remember, to be a good parent, you also have to be a good friend.
2. Being Strict Is Not A Bad Thing – Most teenagers bristle at rules and restrictions. They feel that they are old enough to take care of themselves. While this is partialy true, teens still have a need for restrictions. With new found freedoms, and desires; they could very well hurt themselves if they do not restrain themselves responsibly.
Make your teen understand that he or she will be given greater freedom, but with greater freedom they must develop greater responsibility, and accountability. Freedom without responsibility is useless.
Make sure you help your teen learn to plan ahead. You do not have to plan it for them; just help guide them to make good decisions on their own.
3. Communicate Daily – Daily communication is important in keeping the channels of concern open. You teen will be more inclined to confide in you if you engage in daily conversation. Confiding in someone takes some practice and some trust. This can only be build by meaningful relationships that are facilitated by good communication.
Learning to understand the world your teen lives in will put you in a better position to not only gain their trust, but to have a greater understanding of their overall behavior.
Daily communication will show your teen that you care for them. This is a very important teen parenting factor, since teens will feel more confortable with parents that are actively involved with them. In the absence of parental involvement, teens may turn to unreliable peers when looking for guidence, or comfort. It is very important for a teens parents to provide the guidence and caring they require.
About The Author Carl DiNello is an Article Author whose articles are featured on websites covering the Internets most popular topics.
To read more on this topic, please visit Parenting Resources & Tips! http://parenting.lkrdirectories.com/
You may republish this article on your website, or e-zine so long as none of the content, or author information has been edited or changed in any way, and all links are left active and unchanged.
Even though you were once a teenager, and may have been difficult to your parents, it still takes a lot of effort to understand what your teen is going through. It will be your responsibility to bridge the communication gap between you and your child.
This is not always easy, and you will have to do your best during two crucial periods in your childs life - adolescence and young adulthood. Your children will need all the guidance and understanding you can provide. Communication and understanding, during these sometimes trying times, may very well set the tone for the life decisions your child will make.
Here are a few tips that should help with teen parenting bonding issues:
1. Learn What Your Teen Enjoys – When your teen was a child, finding things to do was a snap. But, as they grow into their teens, you will have to work extra hard to learn about what your teens like. It may not be easy, but being able to relate to your teens likes and dislikes is integral to building an open and meaningful relationship with your child.
Remember, to be a good parent, you also have to be a good friend.
2. Being Strict Is Not A Bad Thing – Most teenagers bristle at rules and restrictions. They feel that they are old enough to take care of themselves. While this is partialy true, teens still have a need for restrictions. With new found freedoms, and desires; they could very well hurt themselves if they do not restrain themselves responsibly.
Make your teen understand that he or she will be given greater freedom, but with greater freedom they must develop greater responsibility, and accountability. Freedom without responsibility is useless.
Make sure you help your teen learn to plan ahead. You do not have to plan it for them; just help guide them to make good decisions on their own.
3. Communicate Daily – Daily communication is important in keeping the channels of concern open. You teen will be more inclined to confide in you if you engage in daily conversation. Confiding in someone takes some practice and some trust. This can only be build by meaningful relationships that are facilitated by good communication.
Learning to understand the world your teen lives in will put you in a better position to not only gain their trust, but to have a greater understanding of their overall behavior.
Daily communication will show your teen that you care for them. This is a very important teen parenting factor, since teens will feel more confortable with parents that are actively involved with them. In the absence of parental involvement, teens may turn to unreliable peers when looking for guidence, or comfort. It is very important for a teens parents to provide the guidence and caring they require.
About The Author Carl DiNello is an Article Author whose articles are featured on websites covering the Internets most popular topics.
To read more on this topic, please visit Parenting Resources & Tips! http://parenting.lkrdirectories.com/
You may republish this article on your website, or e-zine so long as none of the content, or author information has been edited or changed in any way, and all links are left active and unchanged.
Online Safety - Tips to Give your Kids
If you are concerned about the safety of your child online, you are not alone. There are millions of kids that use the internet as a way to communicate. And all of these kids have parents that are worried about predators that may be lurking online. The best way to avoid these predators, and keep your child safe, is by giving them tips that they can follow when talking to other people online. Some tips that you can give your kids are as follows:
1) Never give out contact information to anybody. Tell your kids that even if they think they know somebody, that they should not share contact information. If your kids follow this tip, you will be able to cut back on a lot of the worries that are going through your mind.
2) Make sure that your kids know that they should tell you about any problems that they are having. If your kids can talk to you about a person that is bothering them, you will be able to take the appropriate steps needed to find a solution. It is when your kids keep secrets that you will end up having problems. Make sure that you keep an open mind, and you will have no problems at all.
3) In person meetings are a definite “no-go.” Let your kids know straight from the start that they are not to set up in person meetings with anybody that they have been conversing with online. Most predators live for the day that they can come across a kid that will sneak out of their home to see them. Let your kids know that in person meetings are extremely dangerous.
About The Author Scott Hendison - Editor, WebSafeKid.Com http://www.websafekid.com is designed to help parents, kids and teens with internet safety, and learn how to protect their privacy and security online and to teach responsible internet use.
1) Never give out contact information to anybody. Tell your kids that even if they think they know somebody, that they should not share contact information. If your kids follow this tip, you will be able to cut back on a lot of the worries that are going through your mind.
2) Make sure that your kids know that they should tell you about any problems that they are having. If your kids can talk to you about a person that is bothering them, you will be able to take the appropriate steps needed to find a solution. It is when your kids keep secrets that you will end up having problems. Make sure that you keep an open mind, and you will have no problems at all.
3) In person meetings are a definite “no-go.” Let your kids know straight from the start that they are not to set up in person meetings with anybody that they have been conversing with online. Most predators live for the day that they can come across a kid that will sneak out of their home to see them. Let your kids know that in person meetings are extremely dangerous.
About The Author Scott Hendison - Editor, WebSafeKid.Com http://www.websafekid.com is designed to help parents, kids and teens with internet safety, and learn how to protect their privacy and security online and to teach responsible internet use.
Hidden Gifts: What To Know So Your Child Isn't Overlooked
School’s in session – and although most of their parents don’t realize it, millions of early elementary age kids are being screened, tested, and sorted in an attempt to find those who need gifted education support services to flourish.
While it may seem that gifted kids should be able to do well in any setting, parents, researchers, and specialists who advocate for this sometimes overlooked group point out that many of our brightest child minds become bored, frustrated, and tuned out - both socially and academically - without placement in a gifted program that allows them to move through the curriculum at their own pace and connect with “mental mates” who may hold similar interests.
While many schools do an excellent job of finding these kids using screening methods like teacher recommendations and group IQ testing, parents shouldn't be entirely dependent on the schools when it comes to identification. Keep in mind that many teacher training programs require little, if any, course work in giftedness, so some teachers and school administrators may not have all the information they need to recognize gifted children. There are also gifted kids who are not particularly high achievers in the classroom or who don’t do well on group tests. These kids may have problems with attention, have poor organizational skills, or simply not mesh with the teaching style in the classroom, and therefore may be overlooked when it comes to selection of gifted program candidates.
These types of scenarios are not unusual. In fact, some estimate that the majority of gifted children in the schools are never identified. That may not be a tragedy for some, but it very well could be for others who truly need special programming and support to get through school successfully.
I recall one boy he tested privately at the request of his mother who was concerned because her son was getting poor grades, having conflicts with the teacher, and becoming more and more disinterested in school. He was having social conflicts too, being teased and picked on by other students who liked to see his overreactions when they provoked him. It had gotten to the point where home schooling was being considered since it was getting harder to even get him out the door to go to school, which he considered torture. The school had never tested her son for giftedness. Whatever screening process was in place had missed him. Possibly because he didn't fit the high-achieving, cooperative, wunderkind image that some teachers look for when making recommendations for gifted screening. Yet it turned out that his IQ measured in the 160's - in the exceptionally gifted range.
This boy’s problems at school are not unusual for unidentified gifted kids. Had he been properly tested and placed in an alternative program, many of his academic and social problems might have been avoided. At the very least, the boy’s parents and teachers would have had a better understanding of his problems and been able to collaborate from a more informed perspective to come up with solutions.
Because schools can sometimes look over gifted kids who may need special programming, your insights as a parent are important. The more knowledge you have, the better position you’ll be in to collaborate with the school to help assure that your child's potential and learning needs are not overlooked.
SO HOW DO YOU TELL IF YOUR CHILD IS GIFTED?
As you've probably guessed, without proper assessment, which involves a professionally administered IQ test, there is no easy answer. There are no universally accepted traits that you can look for and no definitive signs that will tell you for sure whether your child is gifted. However, many gifted children share some common characteristics, and knowing these is a good place to start.
Language Skills
While most children are able to form recognizable sentences and understand complex language by about two years of age, gifted children often reach these milestones earlier. As they approach school age, other language skills may appear advanced or sophisticated.
Learning Abilities
All children (all people really, big and small) have an inborn desire to learn about the world around them - to seek out new experiences, figure out the relationship between themselves and their surroundings, to discover, and to learn. What distinguishes gifted children from others is the apparent natural ease and joy with which they go about doing this. Their brains appear to be mental sponges, effortlessly absorbing and incorporating new information and ideas.
Emotional and Behavioral Traits
Gifted children are often more emotionally intense than others. They can also be more sensitive to others' feelings and circumstances and may display a great deal of empathy in situations where others their age appear indifferent.
Motor Skills
Gifted children may also be advanced in skills involving balance, coordination, and movement and in some purposeful fine-motor activities such as assembling small objects (e.g., legos, transforming toys, blocks) or putting puzzles together.
WHAT TO DO IF YOU THINK YOUR CHILD HAS BEEN OVERLOOKED
So what should you do if your child has shown many of the above traits, and you feel that he has been overlooked by the school’s gifted screening process? While you don't want to be perceived as overly protective or pushy, you also want to make sure that those making the decisions have all the information they need to truly understand your child.
Start by talking with your child’s teacher and sharing your thoughts. Parents and teachers are a child's most important allies and they need to keep each other informed and up to date. Each sees the child from a different perspective and each has a particular insight into a child’s learning needs. As a parent, you've watched your child's development since birth. You've seen him at home, at play, with friends, and with family. You're in a good position to truly understand his specific interests, temperament, unique gifts, strengths, and limitations. The teacher, on the other hand, has had an opportunity to evaluate your child’s learning style, academic skills, and social and cognitive development in comparison to a large number of other children of the same age. It doesn't take long for most experienced teachers to develop an intuitive sense of their students’ strengths and needs - to evaluate how quickly they learn, the type of instruction they respond to best, and t heir attitudes toward school. The teacher may also help you to better understand the district’s gifted education program and how it is different than what your child is already receiving.
Together, you should be able to get a more complete, objective view than either of you had on your own. Maybe you'll come to realize that your child would be better off in a general education program since his learning style would not mesh with the type of curriculum being used in the district’s gifted program. On the other hand, in light of the extra information you have given her the teacher may recommend to the district administrator in charge of gifted placement that your child be tested further, maybe with an individually administered IQ test.
If you’ve already talked with the teacher and you still feel that your child’s needs are not being met, then consider following up on your request with an administrator. Find out through conversations with other parents, or by a phone call to the district office, who is in charge of the gifted program selection process at your child’s school. Then write a politely worded letter stating your concerns. Also consider sending a copy to the district's coordinator of gifted education, the school principal, and the teacher.
Now all you need to do is allow those involved to respond and let the district’s screening process take over. Districts generally want to work with parents and will follow up on most reasonable requests.
Editor’s Note: David Palmer’s Book, Parents’ Guide to IQ Testing and Gifted Education: All You Need to Know to Make the Right Decisions for Your Child (2006) is available online and through Barnes and Noble and other fine book sellers.
SIDE BAR MATERIAL: Remember, IQ tests are best seen as predictors of academic achievement. An IQ score only tells us how a certain child has performed on a certain test at a certain time, and says little about that child’s true potential. Children can be gifted in many ways that are not measured on an IQ test.
About The Author David Palmer is an educational psychologist and author of the newly released book, Parents’ Guide to IQ Testing and Gifted Education: All You Need to Know to Make the Right Decisions for Your Child - available online and through fine book sellers. Read more at http://www.parentguidebooks.com.
While it may seem that gifted kids should be able to do well in any setting, parents, researchers, and specialists who advocate for this sometimes overlooked group point out that many of our brightest child minds become bored, frustrated, and tuned out - both socially and academically - without placement in a gifted program that allows them to move through the curriculum at their own pace and connect with “mental mates” who may hold similar interests.
While many schools do an excellent job of finding these kids using screening methods like teacher recommendations and group IQ testing, parents shouldn't be entirely dependent on the schools when it comes to identification. Keep in mind that many teacher training programs require little, if any, course work in giftedness, so some teachers and school administrators may not have all the information they need to recognize gifted children. There are also gifted kids who are not particularly high achievers in the classroom or who don’t do well on group tests. These kids may have problems with attention, have poor organizational skills, or simply not mesh with the teaching style in the classroom, and therefore may be overlooked when it comes to selection of gifted program candidates.
These types of scenarios are not unusual. In fact, some estimate that the majority of gifted children in the schools are never identified. That may not be a tragedy for some, but it very well could be for others who truly need special programming and support to get through school successfully.
I recall one boy he tested privately at the request of his mother who was concerned because her son was getting poor grades, having conflicts with the teacher, and becoming more and more disinterested in school. He was having social conflicts too, being teased and picked on by other students who liked to see his overreactions when they provoked him. It had gotten to the point where home schooling was being considered since it was getting harder to even get him out the door to go to school, which he considered torture. The school had never tested her son for giftedness. Whatever screening process was in place had missed him. Possibly because he didn't fit the high-achieving, cooperative, wunderkind image that some teachers look for when making recommendations for gifted screening. Yet it turned out that his IQ measured in the 160's - in the exceptionally gifted range.
This boy’s problems at school are not unusual for unidentified gifted kids. Had he been properly tested and placed in an alternative program, many of his academic and social problems might have been avoided. At the very least, the boy’s parents and teachers would have had a better understanding of his problems and been able to collaborate from a more informed perspective to come up with solutions.
Because schools can sometimes look over gifted kids who may need special programming, your insights as a parent are important. The more knowledge you have, the better position you’ll be in to collaborate with the school to help assure that your child's potential and learning needs are not overlooked.
SO HOW DO YOU TELL IF YOUR CHILD IS GIFTED?
As you've probably guessed, without proper assessment, which involves a professionally administered IQ test, there is no easy answer. There are no universally accepted traits that you can look for and no definitive signs that will tell you for sure whether your child is gifted. However, many gifted children share some common characteristics, and knowing these is a good place to start.
Language Skills
While most children are able to form recognizable sentences and understand complex language by about two years of age, gifted children often reach these milestones earlier. As they approach school age, other language skills may appear advanced or sophisticated.
Learning Abilities
All children (all people really, big and small) have an inborn desire to learn about the world around them - to seek out new experiences, figure out the relationship between themselves and their surroundings, to discover, and to learn. What distinguishes gifted children from others is the apparent natural ease and joy with which they go about doing this. Their brains appear to be mental sponges, effortlessly absorbing and incorporating new information and ideas.
Emotional and Behavioral Traits
Gifted children are often more emotionally intense than others. They can also be more sensitive to others' feelings and circumstances and may display a great deal of empathy in situations where others their age appear indifferent.
Motor Skills
Gifted children may also be advanced in skills involving balance, coordination, and movement and in some purposeful fine-motor activities such as assembling small objects (e.g., legos, transforming toys, blocks) or putting puzzles together.
WHAT TO DO IF YOU THINK YOUR CHILD HAS BEEN OVERLOOKED
So what should you do if your child has shown many of the above traits, and you feel that he has been overlooked by the school’s gifted screening process? While you don't want to be perceived as overly protective or pushy, you also want to make sure that those making the decisions have all the information they need to truly understand your child.
Start by talking with your child’s teacher and sharing your thoughts. Parents and teachers are a child's most important allies and they need to keep each other informed and up to date. Each sees the child from a different perspective and each has a particular insight into a child’s learning needs. As a parent, you've watched your child's development since birth. You've seen him at home, at play, with friends, and with family. You're in a good position to truly understand his specific interests, temperament, unique gifts, strengths, and limitations. The teacher, on the other hand, has had an opportunity to evaluate your child’s learning style, academic skills, and social and cognitive development in comparison to a large number of other children of the same age. It doesn't take long for most experienced teachers to develop an intuitive sense of their students’ strengths and needs - to evaluate how quickly they learn, the type of instruction they respond to best, and t heir attitudes toward school. The teacher may also help you to better understand the district’s gifted education program and how it is different than what your child is already receiving.
Together, you should be able to get a more complete, objective view than either of you had on your own. Maybe you'll come to realize that your child would be better off in a general education program since his learning style would not mesh with the type of curriculum being used in the district’s gifted program. On the other hand, in light of the extra information you have given her the teacher may recommend to the district administrator in charge of gifted placement that your child be tested further, maybe with an individually administered IQ test.
If you’ve already talked with the teacher and you still feel that your child’s needs are not being met, then consider following up on your request with an administrator. Find out through conversations with other parents, or by a phone call to the district office, who is in charge of the gifted program selection process at your child’s school. Then write a politely worded letter stating your concerns. Also consider sending a copy to the district's coordinator of gifted education, the school principal, and the teacher.
Now all you need to do is allow those involved to respond and let the district’s screening process take over. Districts generally want to work with parents and will follow up on most reasonable requests.
Editor’s Note: David Palmer’s Book, Parents’ Guide to IQ Testing and Gifted Education: All You Need to Know to Make the Right Decisions for Your Child (2006) is available online and through Barnes and Noble and other fine book sellers.
SIDE BAR MATERIAL: Remember, IQ tests are best seen as predictors of academic achievement. An IQ score only tells us how a certain child has performed on a certain test at a certain time, and says little about that child’s true potential. Children can be gifted in many ways that are not measured on an IQ test.
About The Author David Palmer is an educational psychologist and author of the newly released book, Parents’ Guide to IQ Testing and Gifted Education: All You Need to Know to Make the Right Decisions for Your Child - available online and through fine book sellers. Read more at http://www.parentguidebooks.com.
A Mother's Love Lasts Forever
For most mothers, the love they feel for their children is a strong and powerful bond that will continue throughout their lives. The love a mother feels for her child is the same whether the child was grown in their own body or in their heart, as when a mother adopts a child.
My children are dear to me and I find it hard to see them in pain. I feel like a mother hen watching over her baby chicks. Children are tough in some areas, but always need to know they are loved, wanted and are priceless to us, at any age. Even when our children don't need us any longer to tie their shoestrings or to wipe their noses, they still need to know that we care. Often a child will not feel the impact of their mother's love until they become a parent themselves or their mother is no longer living. Then, the power of a lifetime of love their mother provided sets in.
To love and accept our children, even when they are driving us nuts and their behavior is horrid is most challenging. But the mix of unconditional love and loving limits are the most important duties and obligations a mother can have. Hugs and kisses are a necessity. Love can be expressed in many other ways too, including the discipline and responsibility we give to our children. Eye contact and a simple touch on the shoulder or a love pat on the back mean so much and cost so little. Try today to think of ways you can show your children how much you love and value them.
Here are a few demonstrations of love I have found my children are fond of. You can adapt these suggestions according to the ages of your child.
" Outward expressions of affection for your spouse such as holding hands and warm hugs are good examples of love and security you can give to your children.
" Tuck little thoughtful love notes in their lunches, written on a napkin or notepaper or under their pillow.
" Saying a simple, "I love you!" A smiley face or you're the greatest!
" Ask them to read to you - whatever they want - for 10 minutes.
" Spend time listening - this is sometimes hard with an active lifestyle, but more important than ever. Even 5 minutes can do wonders for a child's self image. Remember good eye contact is one of the keys. Pull yourself away from the computer or desk and sit with them face to face. Mirror their body language, moving forward as they do, or sitting on the floor with them.
" For younger children even up to 10 years old, holding them on your lap for a minute or two might seem silly, but most kids miss the times when they were younger and were just held and comforted.
" With my teenage son, I ask him to sit next to me as we curl up and watch a movie together on the couch. At 6'2," he rolls his eyes, but he likes it. Now, on occasion, he does it from habit, but not in front of friends. Big kids need hugs too.
" Share in their hobby or interest. For example, skateboarding may not be your adventure at 42, but ask them about how skateboards are made. Look at what they can do - kids love to show off to their parents, so watch. Listen for, "Watch this mom!" Put down what you're doing and really watch and praise them for their effort. Encourage them to keep trying. Smile and verbally respond.
" Surprise them by buying their favorite magazine without being asked to. Just put it in their room with a little note - Thought of you today! Love, Mom
" Take time to lie on blankets on the grass at night and look to the sky for shooting stars together. This is one we do as a family each summer and always have fun, looking up and just sharing, telling stories - listening to the crickets and being together. We fall asleep under the stars until it gets so cold that we all run indoors, dragging blankets behind us. These are no more than simple memory makers.
" On occasion we have a "backwards day", where we eat dessert first and then the main course; kids love it when their parents are silly at times.
" My ten-year-old daughter loves it when I unexpectedly put fresh flowers in a vase on her nightstand, a surprise when she goes to bed.
" Let them make their own family photo scrapbook - try color copying some of photos in your photo albums - this way you are not losing valuable photos if they cut them up. Old cards and gift-wrap can make nice backgrounds and borders.
" The best way to let them know you care is to hear it from you. In our family, every day we say, "Did I tell you today that I love you? Well I do and I love you more than all the leaves on the trees or all the minutes you are on the computer." That will prompt them to respond with how they love me more than all the sand pebbles or the raindrops that fell this month. Even the big kids need to hear this. They might act as if they are annoyed, but it is sinking in.
Whichever way you choose to share your feelings remember to do something each day. Experts agree that if a child receives their nurturing inside of the family, they are less inclined to look outside to others that might have other motives. Create a home where love is shown. Any parents, whether rich or poor, can afford this.
These simple and free actions can have a significant influence on our children's daily lives that will last for a lifetime. The cycle of love between you as a mother and your child will be passed on to their children all over again. Stop and enjoy them now. Before you know it, they will be grown and this time will be lost.
Start today!
About The Author Mardie Caldwell, C.O.A.P. is the founder of http://www.LifetimeAdoption.com. An award-winning author of www.AdoptingOnline.com and www.adoptionstepbystep.com and a radio talk show host of www.letstalkadoption.com with Mardie Caldwell.
My children are dear to me and I find it hard to see them in pain. I feel like a mother hen watching over her baby chicks. Children are tough in some areas, but always need to know they are loved, wanted and are priceless to us, at any age. Even when our children don't need us any longer to tie their shoestrings or to wipe their noses, they still need to know that we care. Often a child will not feel the impact of their mother's love until they become a parent themselves or their mother is no longer living. Then, the power of a lifetime of love their mother provided sets in.
To love and accept our children, even when they are driving us nuts and their behavior is horrid is most challenging. But the mix of unconditional love and loving limits are the most important duties and obligations a mother can have. Hugs and kisses are a necessity. Love can be expressed in many other ways too, including the discipline and responsibility we give to our children. Eye contact and a simple touch on the shoulder or a love pat on the back mean so much and cost so little. Try today to think of ways you can show your children how much you love and value them.
Here are a few demonstrations of love I have found my children are fond of. You can adapt these suggestions according to the ages of your child.
" Outward expressions of affection for your spouse such as holding hands and warm hugs are good examples of love and security you can give to your children.
" Tuck little thoughtful love notes in their lunches, written on a napkin or notepaper or under their pillow.
" Saying a simple, "I love you!" A smiley face or you're the greatest!
" Ask them to read to you - whatever they want - for 10 minutes.
" Spend time listening - this is sometimes hard with an active lifestyle, but more important than ever. Even 5 minutes can do wonders for a child's self image. Remember good eye contact is one of the keys. Pull yourself away from the computer or desk and sit with them face to face. Mirror their body language, moving forward as they do, or sitting on the floor with them.
" For younger children even up to 10 years old, holding them on your lap for a minute or two might seem silly, but most kids miss the times when they were younger and were just held and comforted.
" With my teenage son, I ask him to sit next to me as we curl up and watch a movie together on the couch. At 6'2," he rolls his eyes, but he likes it. Now, on occasion, he does it from habit, but not in front of friends. Big kids need hugs too.
" Share in their hobby or interest. For example, skateboarding may not be your adventure at 42, but ask them about how skateboards are made. Look at what they can do - kids love to show off to their parents, so watch. Listen for, "Watch this mom!" Put down what you're doing and really watch and praise them for their effort. Encourage them to keep trying. Smile and verbally respond.
" Surprise them by buying their favorite magazine without being asked to. Just put it in their room with a little note - Thought of you today! Love, Mom
" Take time to lie on blankets on the grass at night and look to the sky for shooting stars together. This is one we do as a family each summer and always have fun, looking up and just sharing, telling stories - listening to the crickets and being together. We fall asleep under the stars until it gets so cold that we all run indoors, dragging blankets behind us. These are no more than simple memory makers.
" On occasion we have a "backwards day", where we eat dessert first and then the main course; kids love it when their parents are silly at times.
" My ten-year-old daughter loves it when I unexpectedly put fresh flowers in a vase on her nightstand, a surprise when she goes to bed.
" Let them make their own family photo scrapbook - try color copying some of photos in your photo albums - this way you are not losing valuable photos if they cut them up. Old cards and gift-wrap can make nice backgrounds and borders.
" The best way to let them know you care is to hear it from you. In our family, every day we say, "Did I tell you today that I love you? Well I do and I love you more than all the leaves on the trees or all the minutes you are on the computer." That will prompt them to respond with how they love me more than all the sand pebbles or the raindrops that fell this month. Even the big kids need to hear this. They might act as if they are annoyed, but it is sinking in.
Whichever way you choose to share your feelings remember to do something each day. Experts agree that if a child receives their nurturing inside of the family, they are less inclined to look outside to others that might have other motives. Create a home where love is shown. Any parents, whether rich or poor, can afford this.
These simple and free actions can have a significant influence on our children's daily lives that will last for a lifetime. The cycle of love between you as a mother and your child will be passed on to their children all over again. Stop and enjoy them now. Before you know it, they will be grown and this time will be lost.
Start today!
About The Author Mardie Caldwell, C.O.A.P. is the founder of http://www.LifetimeAdoption.com. An award-winning author of www.AdoptingOnline.com and www.adoptionstepbystep.com and a radio talk show host of www.letstalkadoption.com with Mardie Caldwell.
What All Teens Must Know?
Over the last few years I have been surprised by the seemingly little things that my 15 going on 25 year old daughter did not know. I have complied a list of things that I plan to educate her on before she heads out on her own.
After Megan completed driver’s education and wanted to begin driving a car I asked her to check the oil, and the air pressure in the tires as this is necessary to operating a car. Megan had no idea how to do either. She now knows how to do the basics she can check her own oil and the air pressure in her tires she also knows how to add washer fluid, how to take her car for an oil change and other basic maintenance problems. Megan can also check and add if necessary brake fluid, coolant, and power steering fluid. These simple basic steps are important to keeping your car safe and operating properly.
I was very surprised on evening when Megan came to me with a pile of clothes which had to be washed for the next day. I told her to wash them herself Megan replied “I do not know how to run the washer” I was stunned that she did not know how. After this she was put in charge of laundry for a month. This month was followed by a month of cooking a balanced dinner this included shopping for the groceries. This taught her how to buy food on a budget, check fliers for specials and above all she learned how to operate kitchen appliances.
When Megan turned 16 and got her first job we took her to the bank and opened her a checking account complete with a ATM card. We also got her a credit card with a very low limit these were monitored very closely at first and we taught her how to use a credit card responsibly not a loan but as a convenience, no purchases were to be put on the credit card that she could not pay for when the credit card statement came. This was a good place to explain interest, how to set some money aside for retirement and how pay herself first.
I spent some time with Megan going over basic things that any home owner or even a renter should know about their home such as where the circuit breakers are located, how to reset a GFI plug, how to put out a grease fire, hang pictures and the use of basic hand tools that everyone should have an know how to use.
Our hope is that Megan will have a solid understanding of what is required of her in the real world she may never have to change a tire or hang a picture but she knows how to do.
About The Author Jake Plumer writes articles for http://www.pegandrail.com.
After Megan completed driver’s education and wanted to begin driving a car I asked her to check the oil, and the air pressure in the tires as this is necessary to operating a car. Megan had no idea how to do either. She now knows how to do the basics she can check her own oil and the air pressure in her tires she also knows how to add washer fluid, how to take her car for an oil change and other basic maintenance problems. Megan can also check and add if necessary brake fluid, coolant, and power steering fluid. These simple basic steps are important to keeping your car safe and operating properly.
I was very surprised on evening when Megan came to me with a pile of clothes which had to be washed for the next day. I told her to wash them herself Megan replied “I do not know how to run the washer” I was stunned that she did not know how. After this she was put in charge of laundry for a month. This month was followed by a month of cooking a balanced dinner this included shopping for the groceries. This taught her how to buy food on a budget, check fliers for specials and above all she learned how to operate kitchen appliances.
When Megan turned 16 and got her first job we took her to the bank and opened her a checking account complete with a ATM card. We also got her a credit card with a very low limit these were monitored very closely at first and we taught her how to use a credit card responsibly not a loan but as a convenience, no purchases were to be put on the credit card that she could not pay for when the credit card statement came. This was a good place to explain interest, how to set some money aside for retirement and how pay herself first.
I spent some time with Megan going over basic things that any home owner or even a renter should know about their home such as where the circuit breakers are located, how to reset a GFI plug, how to put out a grease fire, hang pictures and the use of basic hand tools that everyone should have an know how to use.
Our hope is that Megan will have a solid understanding of what is required of her in the real world she may never have to change a tire or hang a picture but she knows how to do.
About The Author Jake Plumer writes articles for http://www.pegandrail.com.
The Most Common Parenting Mistake Of All
Becoming a parent, especially for the first time, is an exciting but scary experience. You'll be entering a whole new world where different rules apply, and no matter how prepared you think you are, there's usually little you've experienced before which you can draw on when making the choices and snap decisions that will become a major part of your life once the little one arrives.
It's for this reason that there's an abundance of parenting advice available which you can use to inform your decisions. There are print magazines packed with useful advice, web sites with tons of articles to peruse, not to mention the well meaning but sometimes irritating advice and opinions of family and friends. Despite all this information being available, most parents are terrified that they're somehow not up to the job and will do it wrong, and herein lies the most common parenting mistake of all: not trusting in your own judgment and instincts.
However intimidating the prospect is of having ultimate responsibility for the nurture of a new and precious life, you should be in no doubt that you have exactly the skills and capabilities you'll need over the coming years.
Think about it. As human beings, we're all parenting specialists. In evolutionary and genetic terms, our whole existence is geared towards producing and nurturing offspring, and over the millions of years that the human species has been developing we've become generally incredibly good at it. You only need to watch a mother and child together to know that however difficult the process may seem, bringing up a child is the most natural thing in the world, and something for which each and every parent to be has the necessary skills to make a success of it if they make it their number one focus.
Of course, this doesn't mean that you should ignore all advice. After all, the experience handed down from generation to generation is absolutely vital and is how civilization developed in the first place. Not one of us has all the answers, we all need input from others in all kinds of situations.
But trust in your own capabilities as a parent above all else, and trust in your own ability to make the best of all the advice and support that's out there. That way you'll definitely be the best parent your child could ever have.
About The Author Andrea Flint writes for http://www.informationwarehouse.co.uk/ where you can read more parenting articles at http://www.informationwarehouse.co.uk/family/parenting/
It's for this reason that there's an abundance of parenting advice available which you can use to inform your decisions. There are print magazines packed with useful advice, web sites with tons of articles to peruse, not to mention the well meaning but sometimes irritating advice and opinions of family and friends. Despite all this information being available, most parents are terrified that they're somehow not up to the job and will do it wrong, and herein lies the most common parenting mistake of all: not trusting in your own judgment and instincts.
However intimidating the prospect is of having ultimate responsibility for the nurture of a new and precious life, you should be in no doubt that you have exactly the skills and capabilities you'll need over the coming years.
Think about it. As human beings, we're all parenting specialists. In evolutionary and genetic terms, our whole existence is geared towards producing and nurturing offspring, and over the millions of years that the human species has been developing we've become generally incredibly good at it. You only need to watch a mother and child together to know that however difficult the process may seem, bringing up a child is the most natural thing in the world, and something for which each and every parent to be has the necessary skills to make a success of it if they make it their number one focus.
Of course, this doesn't mean that you should ignore all advice. After all, the experience handed down from generation to generation is absolutely vital and is how civilization developed in the first place. Not one of us has all the answers, we all need input from others in all kinds of situations.
But trust in your own capabilities as a parent above all else, and trust in your own ability to make the best of all the advice and support that's out there. That way you'll definitely be the best parent your child could ever have.
About The Author Andrea Flint writes for http://www.informationwarehouse.co.uk/ where you can read more parenting articles at http://www.informationwarehouse.co.uk/family/parenting/
Teaching Children Independence and Responsibility
Do you remember that phase in your child's life when all you heard was "I want to do it!"? You're in a hurry, and you want to help your child get dressed, but your two or three year old will have no part of that. You must wait for 15 minutes while she masters the socks and shoes. Your helpful child, at this age, wants to take out the trash, put away the silverware, bake cookies, and clean the bathroom. What on Earth happens to this independent child?
Not all children, but many, shift into a new phase. Picking up their toys is a dreadful task. Playing is so much more important than doing homework. Getting them to hang up their coat or make their bed is like pulling their two front teeth. In the teenage years, you get another glimpse of independence, but it's not exactly in the areas you might want. Teenagers insist they have all their academics, social relationships, and life in general, under control. You may think differently, but who are you? To a teenager, you're just an old fashioned and unintelligent parent.
Regardless of what children may want or think they need, parents have a job to teach responsibility and independence. It is a lifelong commitment that isn't always so easy, but here are some tips to keep you on track.
Encourage Independence by Refusing to Step In
When your child reaches an age to take on an age-appropriate activity, show your child how to do it, then let go and let your child struggle. It can be hard to watch children fight with their shoelaces, or stumble over their words in a new friendship, but it is in these moments that children are learning. The joy they feel when they gain a little more independence can be very rewarding, and a strong motivator to try new tasks in the future.
Believe in Your Child
Children need to know you believe in them. Encourage your children with positive words such as, "You are a smart girl. You can figure this out." Teach your children to think positively about themselves by modeling this behavior in yourself. The Little Blue Engine didn't give up and the reward was confidence. Confidence builds on itself, and your child will gain greater self esteem when you encourage independence and responsibility.
Build in Life Skills through Routines
Routines give your child practice and repetition. If, for instance, the after school routine includes putting away the lunch box and coat, having a snack, and doing homework, your child learns responsibility as a way of life. If you want your child to have good personal grooming skills, build brushing hair and teeth, and washing face into a morning and bedtime routine. When a child does the same thing over and over, he learns independence without even thinking about it.
Let Children Fall Down and Experience the Consequences
Resist the urge to be a helicopter parent and hover over your child. Life is full of opportunities to succeed and make mistakes. The lesson is reinforced and learning takes place when children are allowed to make mistakes. If your child makes a bad choice, let him experience the natural or imposed consequences. A "D" or an "F" on an exam sends a very clear message that the child needs to study harder. The effect is not the same when you are hounding your child to study so she doesn't fail. When your child makes the choice to extend his curfew by an hour, he loses the privilege of going out the next weekend. Guaranteed he will think twice before staying out late the next time.
Coach your Children towards Independence and Responsibility
When your child is faced with a future or past decision, ask a lot of open ended questions that encourage your child to think for himself. "What do you think you should say to your friend?" "What could you have done differently in this situation?" Giving advice teaches your children what you want and what you think is best. Coaching your children supports them in developing good decision making skills, and honoring what is best for them. It's okay if they don't make the best choice. Live and learn.
The goal in raising children is not to protect them from pain or undesirable circumstances, but to equip them with what they need to be responsible, independent and resilient adults.
About The Author Lori Radun, CEC – certified life coach and speaker for moms. To receive her FREE newsletter and the FREE special report “155 Things Moms Can Do To Raise Great Children”, go to http://www.true2youlifecoaching.com
Not all children, but many, shift into a new phase. Picking up their toys is a dreadful task. Playing is so much more important than doing homework. Getting them to hang up their coat or make their bed is like pulling their two front teeth. In the teenage years, you get another glimpse of independence, but it's not exactly in the areas you might want. Teenagers insist they have all their academics, social relationships, and life in general, under control. You may think differently, but who are you? To a teenager, you're just an old fashioned and unintelligent parent.
Regardless of what children may want or think they need, parents have a job to teach responsibility and independence. It is a lifelong commitment that isn't always so easy, but here are some tips to keep you on track.
Encourage Independence by Refusing to Step In
When your child reaches an age to take on an age-appropriate activity, show your child how to do it, then let go and let your child struggle. It can be hard to watch children fight with their shoelaces, or stumble over their words in a new friendship, but it is in these moments that children are learning. The joy they feel when they gain a little more independence can be very rewarding, and a strong motivator to try new tasks in the future.
Believe in Your Child
Children need to know you believe in them. Encourage your children with positive words such as, "You are a smart girl. You can figure this out." Teach your children to think positively about themselves by modeling this behavior in yourself. The Little Blue Engine didn't give up and the reward was confidence. Confidence builds on itself, and your child will gain greater self esteem when you encourage independence and responsibility.
Build in Life Skills through Routines
Routines give your child practice and repetition. If, for instance, the after school routine includes putting away the lunch box and coat, having a snack, and doing homework, your child learns responsibility as a way of life. If you want your child to have good personal grooming skills, build brushing hair and teeth, and washing face into a morning and bedtime routine. When a child does the same thing over and over, he learns independence without even thinking about it.
Let Children Fall Down and Experience the Consequences
Resist the urge to be a helicopter parent and hover over your child. Life is full of opportunities to succeed and make mistakes. The lesson is reinforced and learning takes place when children are allowed to make mistakes. If your child makes a bad choice, let him experience the natural or imposed consequences. A "D" or an "F" on an exam sends a very clear message that the child needs to study harder. The effect is not the same when you are hounding your child to study so she doesn't fail. When your child makes the choice to extend his curfew by an hour, he loses the privilege of going out the next weekend. Guaranteed he will think twice before staying out late the next time.
Coach your Children towards Independence and Responsibility
When your child is faced with a future or past decision, ask a lot of open ended questions that encourage your child to think for himself. "What do you think you should say to your friend?" "What could you have done differently in this situation?" Giving advice teaches your children what you want and what you think is best. Coaching your children supports them in developing good decision making skills, and honoring what is best for them. It's okay if they don't make the best choice. Live and learn.
The goal in raising children is not to protect them from pain or undesirable circumstances, but to equip them with what they need to be responsible, independent and resilient adults.
About The Author Lori Radun, CEC – certified life coach and speaker for moms. To receive her FREE newsletter and the FREE special report “155 Things Moms Can Do To Raise Great Children”, go to http://www.true2youlifecoaching.com
How Well Are We Preparing The Next Generation?
"There is only one problem with common sense; it's not very common." - Bryce's Law
We've got some very bright and ambitious young people joining the work force now but they are coming at a very different time in the business world. Thanks to technology, we now live and work in a much faster paced society than what I joined just three short decades ago. It is also a much more competitive environment due to changing economic conditions. True, the Greatest Generation has basically moved along, but the Baby Boomers are still firmly in place and are not inclined to retire any time soon. This means the class of 2007 will be competing not only with people in their 20's, 30's and 40's, but also with people in their 50's and 60's who cannot afford to retire.
This got me thinking about how well we are preparing the next generation of workers. Are we really training them to succeed or are we setting them up to fail? Sure, they might be well educated in their professional area of expertise, but I am finding a remarkable number who lack basic street smarts. Somewhere between the safety of home and school, and the bitter realities of the real world, a void exists in preparing our youth for adulthood. In a way its like being a parachutist for the first time, except you are being pushed out the door with no instruction on what to do. This can be very traumatizing to young people who tend to be overwhelmed by the responsibilities of adult life.
In school, students were only concerned with attending class, absorbing the material, eating and their social life. But now in adulthood, they suddenly have to face such things as insurance, taxes, housing, transportation, banking, investments, retirement accounts, health care, nutrition, paying bills, corporate cultures, etiquette, dress, career development, business ethics, office politics, networking, employment, management, etc. Oh yea, and Work. They may have been adequately trained for their profession, but nobody is preparing them to make the transition into adulthood.
The parents haven't prepared them. If anything, they have sheltered their youth from reality for far too long. For example, many kids today have not had to mow a lawn, clean a dish, push a broom, or hold a part-time job. Instead, they were free to concentrate on their homework and video games. In other words, parents have failed to instill the concept of simple responsibility and the value of a dollar. A lot of parents today are "hands-off" meaning they are content to let others raise their children for them, be it a relative, a nanny, a coach, or a teacher, thereby providing them with some free time to rest and relax.
The teachers haven't prepared them either, but in their defense this shouldn't be in their job description. Instead, they should be concerned with teaching academic subjects, such as math, literature, languages, science, etc. However, since a lot of parents have dropped the ball, teachers have been forced to become surrogate parents, something they are not necessarily trained in or suited for.
Ultimately, this means today's corporate managers are inheriting a generation of naive young people with unbridled enthusiasm who are having difficulty adapting to the corporate world. Many of this generation seem to believe they are uniquely different, that the old established rules of today's corporate culture no longer applies to them; that corporations must adapt to them, not the other way around. Such naivety can be dangerous and lead to their demise as reality sets in.
To overcome this problem, perhaps we can help our youth by devising a new type of curriculum that would teach such things as:
* Personal Organization - e.g., managing finances, insurance, housing, transportation, etc.
* Adapting to the Corporate Culture - how to understand the culture and adapt to it. This would include discussions on business ethics, and studying change.
* Professional Development - teaching concepts of craftsmanship, continuous improvement, and basic business skills.
* Social Skills - how to effectively communicate and socialize in an office environment.
* Do's and Don'ts in the Workplace - discussing the realities of employment, company policy manuals, and other legal issues.
* Management 101 - teaching basic management concepts and rules to help "newbies" fit into the corporate culture.
Actually, none of this is new. We have all had to learn it through the School of Hard Knocks. However, if the next generation is to ever have a chance in today's fast paced world, we have to jump-start this process for them. Otherwise they will have difficulty surviving. Basically, what is needed is just some simple parental advice.
If you would like to discuss this with me in more depth, please do not hesitate to send me an e-mail.
Keep the faith.
About The Author Tim Bryce is a writer and management consultant located in Palm Harbor, Florida. You can find his work on the Internet at: http://www.phmainstreet.com/timbryce.htm
He can be contacted at: timb001@phmainstreet.com
Copyright © 2007 Tim Bryce. All rights reserved.
We've got some very bright and ambitious young people joining the work force now but they are coming at a very different time in the business world. Thanks to technology, we now live and work in a much faster paced society than what I joined just three short decades ago. It is also a much more competitive environment due to changing economic conditions. True, the Greatest Generation has basically moved along, but the Baby Boomers are still firmly in place and are not inclined to retire any time soon. This means the class of 2007 will be competing not only with people in their 20's, 30's and 40's, but also with people in their 50's and 60's who cannot afford to retire.
This got me thinking about how well we are preparing the next generation of workers. Are we really training them to succeed or are we setting them up to fail? Sure, they might be well educated in their professional area of expertise, but I am finding a remarkable number who lack basic street smarts. Somewhere between the safety of home and school, and the bitter realities of the real world, a void exists in preparing our youth for adulthood. In a way its like being a parachutist for the first time, except you are being pushed out the door with no instruction on what to do. This can be very traumatizing to young people who tend to be overwhelmed by the responsibilities of adult life.
In school, students were only concerned with attending class, absorbing the material, eating and their social life. But now in adulthood, they suddenly have to face such things as insurance, taxes, housing, transportation, banking, investments, retirement accounts, health care, nutrition, paying bills, corporate cultures, etiquette, dress, career development, business ethics, office politics, networking, employment, management, etc. Oh yea, and Work. They may have been adequately trained for their profession, but nobody is preparing them to make the transition into adulthood.
The parents haven't prepared them. If anything, they have sheltered their youth from reality for far too long. For example, many kids today have not had to mow a lawn, clean a dish, push a broom, or hold a part-time job. Instead, they were free to concentrate on their homework and video games. In other words, parents have failed to instill the concept of simple responsibility and the value of a dollar. A lot of parents today are "hands-off" meaning they are content to let others raise their children for them, be it a relative, a nanny, a coach, or a teacher, thereby providing them with some free time to rest and relax.
The teachers haven't prepared them either, but in their defense this shouldn't be in their job description. Instead, they should be concerned with teaching academic subjects, such as math, literature, languages, science, etc. However, since a lot of parents have dropped the ball, teachers have been forced to become surrogate parents, something they are not necessarily trained in or suited for.
Ultimately, this means today's corporate managers are inheriting a generation of naive young people with unbridled enthusiasm who are having difficulty adapting to the corporate world. Many of this generation seem to believe they are uniquely different, that the old established rules of today's corporate culture no longer applies to them; that corporations must adapt to them, not the other way around. Such naivety can be dangerous and lead to their demise as reality sets in.
To overcome this problem, perhaps we can help our youth by devising a new type of curriculum that would teach such things as:
* Personal Organization - e.g., managing finances, insurance, housing, transportation, etc.
* Adapting to the Corporate Culture - how to understand the culture and adapt to it. This would include discussions on business ethics, and studying change.
* Professional Development - teaching concepts of craftsmanship, continuous improvement, and basic business skills.
* Social Skills - how to effectively communicate and socialize in an office environment.
* Do's and Don'ts in the Workplace - discussing the realities of employment, company policy manuals, and other legal issues.
* Management 101 - teaching basic management concepts and rules to help "newbies" fit into the corporate culture.
Actually, none of this is new. We have all had to learn it through the School of Hard Knocks. However, if the next generation is to ever have a chance in today's fast paced world, we have to jump-start this process for them. Otherwise they will have difficulty surviving. Basically, what is needed is just some simple parental advice.
If you would like to discuss this with me in more depth, please do not hesitate to send me an e-mail.
Keep the faith.
About The Author Tim Bryce is a writer and management consultant located in Palm Harbor, Florida. You can find his work on the Internet at: http://www.phmainstreet.com/timbryce.htm
He can be contacted at: timb001@phmainstreet.com
Copyright © 2007 Tim Bryce. All rights reserved.
Child and Adolescent Anger: Ways That You Can Help Right Now
What do we do about the violent adolescents?
Good question. Here are some possible answers. Angry children need love. The older and angrier they get, the harder they are to love, and the more frightening they can become. If you have an angry teenager in your home, extended family or community, here are some ideas that may help:
Do everything in your power to get to know them.
Find out what they like to do and do it with them. That's a stretch in some cases, but do the best you can. They will notice the effort. Stay true to yourself-if they see you trying to become like them, they'll lose respect for you.
Ask them to tell you about the things they're interested in. You may have to prove that you're really interested before they will open up, but if you're sincere and persistent, they will start talking.
Be a steady, loving presence in their life. You may have to forego some of your other activities, but if you have an adolescent who is possibly moving toward violence or suicide, it's worth it.
Get in touch with your own healthy anger, so that you have the personal power and confidence to deal with the energy of adolescent anger.
Work to master humor and love. Find as many ways as possible to have fun with the adolescent and show your love. Make sure that you are pursuing the relationship for them, and not to fulfill some unmet needs from your own past.
Consult with other adults and parents who are good with teenagers. Watch how they interact with kids and learn from their example.
Pray. You're going to need all the help you can get, and you need to know you are not alone in your mission to bring love to this unhappy child.
EMBRACING THE OUTCASTS AND MISFITS
This is simply impossible if you have outcasts and misfits in your own subconscious body/mind. So the first order of business here is to make sure you have found, embraced and made a place for the children within you that you or others may have found that represent remnants of memories that you have yet to resolve. These are the inner children that symbolize your pain, shame and self-doubt.
Rest assured that the outcast child that you approach in the outer world will not accept your embrace if they see unresolved fear and anger in your eyes or actions.
Since we know that the outcasts and misfits are the children most likely to become violent, it only follows that we must pull them into the arms of love and/or acceptance, and find a place where they fit. If our system doesn't have a place where a child fits, there's something wrong with the system, not the child.
Look around you in your family and your community. Do you see the outcasts and misfits? The ones that seem to have no friends, or who only hang out with others like them? Look for the ones that don't act "right," are too this or too that or not enough of the other. Especially look for the ones that are not talking about their feelings, and seem to carry a lot of depression and/or anger.
Genius often hides in such places. If you are wise, healthy and dedicated enough to win an inroad to the heart and mind of one of these "personas non grata," you may discover a hidden treasure. The movie "Good Will Hunting" depicts such a case, where an angry, violent misfit is also a gifted genius. The older movie "The Breakfast Club" also shows us the beauty in the shadow of the misfit.
Kindness and compassion will sometimes be greeted with doubt, fear and even anger at first. If you really mean it, and have the courage to do so, you can penetrate that outer shell and touch the tender heart within. You may be saving someone's life.
Consider the outcasts and misfits in your world to be unexplored territories of your own soul, undiscovered treasures waiting for you. The rewards will be as great for you as for those you help.
When we look deep enough into any living being, we find the face of God.
Teach this to your children, like Max did in the following example.
Max had come to me for almost four years, to heal from a very painful childhood, and to learn to manage his anger toward his wife. He was making excellent progress, and was tapering off in his sessions.
Max's son Derek was six years old, and the apple of his dad's eye. Max was determined to give Derek the healthy guidance, love and positive role modeling he had never received as a child.
Smiling ear to ear, Max told me of some of his recent successes with his wife and son. "I have always been afraid I would end up homeless and living under a bridge. So, I decided to confront this fear a little more directly. After church Sunday, Derek and I took about 40 hamburgers to the homeless people living under the overpass downtown. Derek loved it! Now he wants to feed all of the homeless people in the city. Those people were so grateful."
Max was quiet for a moment, as he wiped his eyes and regained his composure. He had given a great gift to some outcasts and misfits, to his son, and to himself.
METHODS FOR HELPING CHILDREN DEAL WITH THEIR ANGER
What to say-When your child is in the middle of expressing anger, your verbal response is extremely important. Though it remains true that your non-verbal signals will speak more loudly than your words, we must not underestimate the power of the spoken word, particularly during intense emotional experiences.
-For a very young child, or if the anger is being expressed mostly in non-verbal ways, say something to the effect of, "Wow! I can see that you are really angry right now. I'm sure you have good reasons to be angry. Your anger seems really strong to me. I want you to know that it's okay with me for you to be angry, and I want to help you deal with it so that nobody gets hurt-including you." In these and other words, communicate the idea that "There's nothing wrong with feeling anger, the important thing is what you do with it."
-Practice reflective listening. Repeat back to the child what you hear her saying in a non-judgmental, soothing tone. This provides a comforting effect, and lets the child know she's being heard. Start with phrases like, "So what I hear you saying is…" or "So you're saying…" Stick with their words and references, using as little interpretation and as few of your own words as possible.
-Express empathy and understanding. This is simply a matter of imagining yourself in the child's position, and attempting to see things from his viewpoint. Use phrases like, "When I put myself in your shoes, I can see why you would feel that way," or "From where you stand, it looks like…" or "I think I see what you mean" or "That makes sense to me."
-Avoid teaching, correcting or instructing while your child is angry. Only when the child starts to calm down and relax, you may want to share some of your own similar struggles or experiences. The goal is to help them deal with and understand their anger. Discipline needs to be kept separate from this kind of communication, and administered when both you and the child are calm. That way the child gets the clear message that it is not their emotion that is being disciplined, it is their behavior.
What to do-If your child is small enough, you might want to try holding her during her anger episode. This has been found to be highly effective in many cases. It provides loving, powerful and safe boundaries when the child is feeling out of control. The non-verbal message is, "I'm here. I'm not going to leave you. I'm not going to hurt you, and I won't let you hurt yourself or anyone else. I'm going to hold you until you feel safe again." Here are some recommendations to make this procedure safe and successful:
-If you are extremely afraid or angry yourself, do not try this technique. Your emotions will feed the anger and fear of your child and make the situation worse.
-If you feel comfortable doing so, hold the child from behind, ideally with him sitting in your lap. Protect your face in case he tosses his head back toward you. The goal is for no one to get hurt.
-There needs to be both love and power in your embrace. Strong but not too strong, relaxed but not too relaxed. This lets the child know you are in charge, that you love her and can and will protect her.
-Be ready and willing to devote some time to this. If you don't complete the process, you may do more harm than good. Hold the child, and wait until he calms down and relaxes. Often he might cry or even fall asleep as the anger subsides.
-Through this gesture you are communicating love, acceptance, safety, protection and power all at the same time.
What to have the child do-In some cases, the child may need to release anger physically. This can be accomplished in a number of ways:
-Supervised play with toys, or play therapy in a professional setting, can be very effective in helping children release anger. The violence that occurs between the toy characters is non-destructive, and can be very informative to the therapist and/or the parent who is observing. This can also include drawing pictures, or throwing clay against a wall or board where no harm can be done.
-Hitting pillows or a mattress with a harmless object such as a nerf bat or bataca bat. This can be done in a playful manner, and the child will still receive benefit. In therapy, I often call it "the anger game,, so that children feel safe in approaching the activity.
-Children may sometimes benefit from the "temper tantrum technique." Parents should use their own judgment as to when it is necessary to contract for the services of a professional for this type of exercise.
-One of the best parents I know told me that he had his daughters use the "Name it, claim it, aim it" technique for dealing with anger. In other words he taught them to put a name on their feeling, take responsibility for it, and direct it into some kind of release or constructive activity. An example might go something like, "I'm angry and sad, Daddy," (naming and claiming it) "and I want you to help me talk to Bobby about taking my things" (aiming it). This is an excellent approach, and I highly recommend that parents use this and any other guidelines they run across that help them to teach their children to manage and express their emotions in healthy ways.
In conclusion, I encourage you to do your best to understand everything that is going on in your child's life and development process. S/he is a complex being, and everything s/he is feeling makes sense at some level. Believe in the goodness of your child. Remember, what you pay attention to grows.
About The Author William DeFoore, Ph.D. is a counselor, speaker and coach who conducts workshops on anger management and emotional intelligence in personal and business relationships. Get information, watch videos and buy books, CDs and downloads at http://www.defoore.com.
Good question. Here are some possible answers. Angry children need love. The older and angrier they get, the harder they are to love, and the more frightening they can become. If you have an angry teenager in your home, extended family or community, here are some ideas that may help:
Do everything in your power to get to know them.
Find out what they like to do and do it with them. That's a stretch in some cases, but do the best you can. They will notice the effort. Stay true to yourself-if they see you trying to become like them, they'll lose respect for you.
Ask them to tell you about the things they're interested in. You may have to prove that you're really interested before they will open up, but if you're sincere and persistent, they will start talking.
Be a steady, loving presence in their life. You may have to forego some of your other activities, but if you have an adolescent who is possibly moving toward violence or suicide, it's worth it.
Get in touch with your own healthy anger, so that you have the personal power and confidence to deal with the energy of adolescent anger.
Work to master humor and love. Find as many ways as possible to have fun with the adolescent and show your love. Make sure that you are pursuing the relationship for them, and not to fulfill some unmet needs from your own past.
Consult with other adults and parents who are good with teenagers. Watch how they interact with kids and learn from their example.
Pray. You're going to need all the help you can get, and you need to know you are not alone in your mission to bring love to this unhappy child.
EMBRACING THE OUTCASTS AND MISFITS
This is simply impossible if you have outcasts and misfits in your own subconscious body/mind. So the first order of business here is to make sure you have found, embraced and made a place for the children within you that you or others may have found that represent remnants of memories that you have yet to resolve. These are the inner children that symbolize your pain, shame and self-doubt.
Rest assured that the outcast child that you approach in the outer world will not accept your embrace if they see unresolved fear and anger in your eyes or actions.
Since we know that the outcasts and misfits are the children most likely to become violent, it only follows that we must pull them into the arms of love and/or acceptance, and find a place where they fit. If our system doesn't have a place where a child fits, there's something wrong with the system, not the child.
Look around you in your family and your community. Do you see the outcasts and misfits? The ones that seem to have no friends, or who only hang out with others like them? Look for the ones that don't act "right," are too this or too that or not enough of the other. Especially look for the ones that are not talking about their feelings, and seem to carry a lot of depression and/or anger.
Genius often hides in such places. If you are wise, healthy and dedicated enough to win an inroad to the heart and mind of one of these "personas non grata," you may discover a hidden treasure. The movie "Good Will Hunting" depicts such a case, where an angry, violent misfit is also a gifted genius. The older movie "The Breakfast Club" also shows us the beauty in the shadow of the misfit.
Kindness and compassion will sometimes be greeted with doubt, fear and even anger at first. If you really mean it, and have the courage to do so, you can penetrate that outer shell and touch the tender heart within. You may be saving someone's life.
Consider the outcasts and misfits in your world to be unexplored territories of your own soul, undiscovered treasures waiting for you. The rewards will be as great for you as for those you help.
When we look deep enough into any living being, we find the face of God.
Teach this to your children, like Max did in the following example.
Max had come to me for almost four years, to heal from a very painful childhood, and to learn to manage his anger toward his wife. He was making excellent progress, and was tapering off in his sessions.
Max's son Derek was six years old, and the apple of his dad's eye. Max was determined to give Derek the healthy guidance, love and positive role modeling he had never received as a child.
Smiling ear to ear, Max told me of some of his recent successes with his wife and son. "I have always been afraid I would end up homeless and living under a bridge. So, I decided to confront this fear a little more directly. After church Sunday, Derek and I took about 40 hamburgers to the homeless people living under the overpass downtown. Derek loved it! Now he wants to feed all of the homeless people in the city. Those people were so grateful."
Max was quiet for a moment, as he wiped his eyes and regained his composure. He had given a great gift to some outcasts and misfits, to his son, and to himself.
METHODS FOR HELPING CHILDREN DEAL WITH THEIR ANGER
What to say-When your child is in the middle of expressing anger, your verbal response is extremely important. Though it remains true that your non-verbal signals will speak more loudly than your words, we must not underestimate the power of the spoken word, particularly during intense emotional experiences.
-For a very young child, or if the anger is being expressed mostly in non-verbal ways, say something to the effect of, "Wow! I can see that you are really angry right now. I'm sure you have good reasons to be angry. Your anger seems really strong to me. I want you to know that it's okay with me for you to be angry, and I want to help you deal with it so that nobody gets hurt-including you." In these and other words, communicate the idea that "There's nothing wrong with feeling anger, the important thing is what you do with it."
-Practice reflective listening. Repeat back to the child what you hear her saying in a non-judgmental, soothing tone. This provides a comforting effect, and lets the child know she's being heard. Start with phrases like, "So what I hear you saying is…" or "So you're saying…" Stick with their words and references, using as little interpretation and as few of your own words as possible.
-Express empathy and understanding. This is simply a matter of imagining yourself in the child's position, and attempting to see things from his viewpoint. Use phrases like, "When I put myself in your shoes, I can see why you would feel that way," or "From where you stand, it looks like…" or "I think I see what you mean" or "That makes sense to me."
-Avoid teaching, correcting or instructing while your child is angry. Only when the child starts to calm down and relax, you may want to share some of your own similar struggles or experiences. The goal is to help them deal with and understand their anger. Discipline needs to be kept separate from this kind of communication, and administered when both you and the child are calm. That way the child gets the clear message that it is not their emotion that is being disciplined, it is their behavior.
What to do-If your child is small enough, you might want to try holding her during her anger episode. This has been found to be highly effective in many cases. It provides loving, powerful and safe boundaries when the child is feeling out of control. The non-verbal message is, "I'm here. I'm not going to leave you. I'm not going to hurt you, and I won't let you hurt yourself or anyone else. I'm going to hold you until you feel safe again." Here are some recommendations to make this procedure safe and successful:
-If you are extremely afraid or angry yourself, do not try this technique. Your emotions will feed the anger and fear of your child and make the situation worse.
-If you feel comfortable doing so, hold the child from behind, ideally with him sitting in your lap. Protect your face in case he tosses his head back toward you. The goal is for no one to get hurt.
-There needs to be both love and power in your embrace. Strong but not too strong, relaxed but not too relaxed. This lets the child know you are in charge, that you love her and can and will protect her.
-Be ready and willing to devote some time to this. If you don't complete the process, you may do more harm than good. Hold the child, and wait until he calms down and relaxes. Often he might cry or even fall asleep as the anger subsides.
-Through this gesture you are communicating love, acceptance, safety, protection and power all at the same time.
What to have the child do-In some cases, the child may need to release anger physically. This can be accomplished in a number of ways:
-Supervised play with toys, or play therapy in a professional setting, can be very effective in helping children release anger. The violence that occurs between the toy characters is non-destructive, and can be very informative to the therapist and/or the parent who is observing. This can also include drawing pictures, or throwing clay against a wall or board where no harm can be done.
-Hitting pillows or a mattress with a harmless object such as a nerf bat or bataca bat. This can be done in a playful manner, and the child will still receive benefit. In therapy, I often call it "the anger game,, so that children feel safe in approaching the activity.
-Children may sometimes benefit from the "temper tantrum technique." Parents should use their own judgment as to when it is necessary to contract for the services of a professional for this type of exercise.
-One of the best parents I know told me that he had his daughters use the "Name it, claim it, aim it" technique for dealing with anger. In other words he taught them to put a name on their feeling, take responsibility for it, and direct it into some kind of release or constructive activity. An example might go something like, "I'm angry and sad, Daddy," (naming and claiming it) "and I want you to help me talk to Bobby about taking my things" (aiming it). This is an excellent approach, and I highly recommend that parents use this and any other guidelines they run across that help them to teach their children to manage and express their emotions in healthy ways.
In conclusion, I encourage you to do your best to understand everything that is going on in your child's life and development process. S/he is a complex being, and everything s/he is feeling makes sense at some level. Believe in the goodness of your child. Remember, what you pay attention to grows.
About The Author William DeFoore, Ph.D. is a counselor, speaker and coach who conducts workshops on anger management and emotional intelligence in personal and business relationships. Get information, watch videos and buy books, CDs and downloads at http://www.defoore.com.
From Baby to Teen
You've done your job as a parent, right? You fed your child when he or she was a baby, changed those diapers, spent numerous sleepless nights taking care of your baby. You wiped that runny nose, warmed the bottle, sanitized the house, and did all you could to care for and protect your baby.
Then the baby became a toddler. You kissed the boo boos. You wiped away the tears. You child proofed the entire house to protect him or her from harm. You did all that you could to keep your toddler safe.
Then came the grammar school age. Again, you watched out for your child. You always knew where your child was and who he or she was with. You monitored your child because you wanted to keep your child safe. You were being a very good parent.
Then came the teen years and your teen gets a driver's license. You teen stills needs you to watch out for him or her because your teen still doesn't have the maturity to make all the right decisions. As a responsible parent, you need to do all you can to protect your teen. It is not an invasion of privacy to monitor and know the whereabouts of your teen. It is being a good parent. That is why all parents need to consider installing a GPS Tracking unit in their teens automobile. GPS tracking helps parents with the peace of mind of knowing that their teens are safe.
Automobile accidents are the leading cause of death of teens with over one-third a direct result of speed related issues. Teen drivers killed in a motor vehicle accident had a youth passenger 45% of the time with 53% of these teen deaths occurring on the weekend. Do everything that you can to ensure that your teen is not one of those terrible statistics. Install a GPS Tracking unit in your teen's vehicle now!
About The Author Lillie Davis is an authorized distributor of the Millennium Plus GPS system at Falcon GPS Tracking http://www.falcongpstracking.com
Then the baby became a toddler. You kissed the boo boos. You wiped away the tears. You child proofed the entire house to protect him or her from harm. You did all that you could to keep your toddler safe.
Then came the grammar school age. Again, you watched out for your child. You always knew where your child was and who he or she was with. You monitored your child because you wanted to keep your child safe. You were being a very good parent.
Then came the teen years and your teen gets a driver's license. You teen stills needs you to watch out for him or her because your teen still doesn't have the maturity to make all the right decisions. As a responsible parent, you need to do all you can to protect your teen. It is not an invasion of privacy to monitor and know the whereabouts of your teen. It is being a good parent. That is why all parents need to consider installing a GPS Tracking unit in their teens automobile. GPS tracking helps parents with the peace of mind of knowing that their teens are safe.
Automobile accidents are the leading cause of death of teens with over one-third a direct result of speed related issues. Teen drivers killed in a motor vehicle accident had a youth passenger 45% of the time with 53% of these teen deaths occurring on the weekend. Do everything that you can to ensure that your teen is not one of those terrible statistics. Install a GPS Tracking unit in your teen's vehicle now!
About The Author Lillie Davis is an authorized distributor of the Millennium Plus GPS system at Falcon GPS Tracking http://www.falcongpstracking.com
Children Need To Feel That They Belong
Everybody wants to be heard and feel special!
In Positive Discipline, Jane Nelson helps us understand that misbehaving children are discouraged children who have mistaken ideas on how to achieve their Primary Goal: TO BELONG. Mistaken ideas lead to misbehavior. Address the mistaken belief rather than just the misbehavior.
Jane goes on to tell us to use encouragement to help children feel a sense of belonging so that the motivation for misbehavior will be eliminated. Focus on improvement rather than on mistakes.
A great way to help children feel encouraged is to spend special time being with them, doing something you can enjoy together. With younger children (0-4) this could be 15 minutes a day. With older children, it could be an hour once a week. Alternate who chooses the activity. Schedule the time on a calendar, so your children can look forward to it.
Start a bedtime ritual of sharing the "saddest" and "happiest" times during the day. Share first and invite your child to join in. You will be surprised what you learn. Listen, do not fix.
Give children meaningful jobs. In the name of expediency many parents and teachers do things that children could do for themselves and each other. Children feel a sense of belonging when they know that they make a real contribution. Change your approach regularly. Make it fun.
Decide together what jobs need to be done. Put them in a jar and let each child draw out a few each week. Then no one is stuck with the same chores all the time. Parents and teachers can invoke children to help them make the house and class rules and list them on a chart entitled, "We decided". Children have ownership, motivation, and enthusiasm when they are included in the decisions.
Get children involved in creating a solution to a problem or situation, and in the creation of routines. Again, children feel a sense of belonging when they know that they make a real contribution.
Most of important, make sure the message of love gets through.
"I care about you! And I care about what happened. Let’s work on solving this together."
Give lots of hugs!
And a big hug to you Jane Nelson for all these great tips!
About The Author Delivered by Tulum Dothee, Credentialed and certified educator and counselor.
Discover proven techniques to become the best parent and solve your most difficult child-raising situations.
Get a free subscription to this powerful online newsletter: http://www.mindfulparentingtips.com
In Positive Discipline, Jane Nelson helps us understand that misbehaving children are discouraged children who have mistaken ideas on how to achieve their Primary Goal: TO BELONG. Mistaken ideas lead to misbehavior. Address the mistaken belief rather than just the misbehavior.
Jane goes on to tell us to use encouragement to help children feel a sense of belonging so that the motivation for misbehavior will be eliminated. Focus on improvement rather than on mistakes.
A great way to help children feel encouraged is to spend special time being with them, doing something you can enjoy together. With younger children (0-4) this could be 15 minutes a day. With older children, it could be an hour once a week. Alternate who chooses the activity. Schedule the time on a calendar, so your children can look forward to it.
Start a bedtime ritual of sharing the "saddest" and "happiest" times during the day. Share first and invite your child to join in. You will be surprised what you learn. Listen, do not fix.
Give children meaningful jobs. In the name of expediency many parents and teachers do things that children could do for themselves and each other. Children feel a sense of belonging when they know that they make a real contribution. Change your approach regularly. Make it fun.
Decide together what jobs need to be done. Put them in a jar and let each child draw out a few each week. Then no one is stuck with the same chores all the time. Parents and teachers can invoke children to help them make the house and class rules and list them on a chart entitled, "We decided". Children have ownership, motivation, and enthusiasm when they are included in the decisions.
Get children involved in creating a solution to a problem or situation, and in the creation of routines. Again, children feel a sense of belonging when they know that they make a real contribution.
Most of important, make sure the message of love gets through.
"I care about you! And I care about what happened. Let’s work on solving this together."
Give lots of hugs!
And a big hug to you Jane Nelson for all these great tips!
About The Author Delivered by Tulum Dothee, Credentialed and certified educator and counselor.
Discover proven techniques to become the best parent and solve your most difficult child-raising situations.
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How To Help Your Adult Children - Part 1
When children are still children, they assume that as soon as they become an adult they'll be free to do whatever they want in life. And they innocently assume that they'll be able to do so too. The reality is though, that once those children have had a taste of true adulthood, they often realize it wasn't quite what they expected. Many children face hard realities once they've tried to make it on their own as an adult, and eventually they mature enough to realize that Mom and Dad know a thing or two, and maybe they can help.
One of the most common problems adult children need help with is money and finances. Some children seem to think that as soon as they became an adult, they had no more rules or responsibilities to adhere to, so they end up making financial mistakes that cause problems over time.
If the adult child recently got their first credit card for instance, they may have went on a large shopping spree or two without realizing just how difficult it would be to pay off that balance with interest later. Sometimes new adults out on their own get so excited by their first high paying job, that they feel as if they're rich and on top of the world. They've never had this much money before usually, and they know they'll be getting large paychecks continuously in the future too, so one of the first things they do is go on a spending spree. Maybe they're overly optimistic about how much rent they can afford for instance, or they don't realize all of the expenses that will come with owning that snazzy new sports car. In the end though, they end up with financial problems and often they come to Mom and Dad for help.
Sometimes adult children will simply ask their parents for advice with money management and financial problems, and sometimes they'll ask for money outright. The best way you can help your adult children with money though, is to try to teach them more about it.
Teaching your adult children about something can be a bit more tricky than it was when they were younger though, because many adult children feel as if they don't have to do what Mom or Dad tells them since they're adults now. So when you offer help in the form of advice, you have to be careful that it doesn't sound like you're trying to tell your adult children what to do.
Other things adult children sometimes need help with involves relationships. If they have a new boyfriend or girlfriend for instance, they may ask for help and advice about simple things such as what to get the person for their birthday, or what do they actually mean when they say "x".
If the relationship has turned serious though, your adult children may need your help with advice about whether they should move in together or get married. If your adult children have children of their own, sometimes they need help from their parents about parenting itself.
Regardless of what your adult children need help with though, you can help the most by offering gentle advice and encouragement. And sometimes you can even help by simply relating a similar story about something that happened in your life and how it turned out in the end.
About The Author Jerry Stearns is a writer and the editor for http://YourLifeAfter50.com, which is a website devoted to baby-boomers and their issues such as Family Relationships, Health and Dating. See http://www.yourlifeafter50.com for more information
One of the most common problems adult children need help with is money and finances. Some children seem to think that as soon as they became an adult, they had no more rules or responsibilities to adhere to, so they end up making financial mistakes that cause problems over time.
If the adult child recently got their first credit card for instance, they may have went on a large shopping spree or two without realizing just how difficult it would be to pay off that balance with interest later. Sometimes new adults out on their own get so excited by their first high paying job, that they feel as if they're rich and on top of the world. They've never had this much money before usually, and they know they'll be getting large paychecks continuously in the future too, so one of the first things they do is go on a spending spree. Maybe they're overly optimistic about how much rent they can afford for instance, or they don't realize all of the expenses that will come with owning that snazzy new sports car. In the end though, they end up with financial problems and often they come to Mom and Dad for help.
Sometimes adult children will simply ask their parents for advice with money management and financial problems, and sometimes they'll ask for money outright. The best way you can help your adult children with money though, is to try to teach them more about it.
Teaching your adult children about something can be a bit more tricky than it was when they were younger though, because many adult children feel as if they don't have to do what Mom or Dad tells them since they're adults now. So when you offer help in the form of advice, you have to be careful that it doesn't sound like you're trying to tell your adult children what to do.
Other things adult children sometimes need help with involves relationships. If they have a new boyfriend or girlfriend for instance, they may ask for help and advice about simple things such as what to get the person for their birthday, or what do they actually mean when they say "x".
If the relationship has turned serious though, your adult children may need your help with advice about whether they should move in together or get married. If your adult children have children of their own, sometimes they need help from their parents about parenting itself.
Regardless of what your adult children need help with though, you can help the most by offering gentle advice and encouragement. And sometimes you can even help by simply relating a similar story about something that happened in your life and how it turned out in the end.
About The Author Jerry Stearns is a writer and the editor for http://YourLifeAfter50.com, which is a website devoted to baby-boomers and their issues such as Family Relationships, Health and Dating. See http://www.yourlifeafter50.com for more information
Keep Children Home at Night
Who would suspect that sleep overs, where children stay overnight at the homes of their close friends and extended family members, could be risky – even dangerous. Many parents have allowed and even encouraged children to sleep overnight at their friends' homes as a way of helping them build closer relationships and develop social skills. Even those parents who aren't sure about the homes involved may give in to their children's pleas to be allowed to go.
But the reports of adult survivors of childhood physical and sexual assault place the innocent looking sleep overs in a very different light. While away from home in settings that their parents believed were completely safe, they report being severely traumatized by atrocities that they never told their parents about – perhaps because they could not bear to remember them or because of severe threats of what would happen if they did tell.
The distressing reports of courageous survivors can help today's parents be more street smart about how child predators work. Armed with more information about predators, they will be more cautious about where their children are allowed to go overnight.
Parents must first abandon common stereotypes about child predators. Parents know that some predators, such as pedophiles, are driven by sexual attraction to children. However they may not be aware that others are motivated by sadism or hunger for power. Still other predators act out of social and financial incentives. They may be young or old, male or female, extroverted or shy.
What all committed predators have in a common is the set of skills needed to acquire the trust of parents. Obviously trust is an essential prerequisite to gaining access to victims. To secure that trust many predators hold high positions in their professions, are married with children and have excellent social skills. Many live in suburbia, having well kept homes, immaculate yards, and all of the outward trappings of respectability. Many predators attend church regularly and serve actively.
Inwardly they are raving wolves, but parents never see that side of them. Only their children do, and only when the predators are alone with them. Then the rules change. Then all of the once-respected boundaries are dissolved. What happens is governed by who has the power and the predators have it all.
Parents have learned that in this complex society they must limit their trust to protect themselves from being scammed or exploited. They may shred documents to prevent identify theft, delete emails telling them they have just won the sweepstakes in Nigeria, and withhold information from strangers who call on the phone asking questions. But placing limits on their trust of friends, relatives, neighbors, coworkers and members of their church congregation may seem excessive or overprotective.
However, in our modern society parents must set limits to protect their families, because today's child predators ply their trade with incredible cunning by exploiting the naivety of those friends, relatives, neighbors, coworkers and fellow church members who might be persuaded, if the circumstances were right, to allow them access to their most precious possessions – their children.
How can limits be placed on trust without offending – without implying that parents suspect someone of being a closet predator? The best way, perhaps the only way, is to establish the family rule that no sleep overs are allowed with anyone. Then when someone asks if a child can stay overnight at their home the answer is "no" regardless of who asked. The answer is "no" because that is a family rule, not because the person extending the invitation is suspected of something. Eventually, if enough parents use this approach, a new community standard will be established. A time honored tradition, the sleep over, will be another casualty of our society's loss of innocence. And our children will be safer.
About The Author Jerry McMullin has a Bachelor's Degree in history, a Masters Degree in Library and Information Science, and a Masters Degree in Professional Counseling. http://www.saferchildren.net
But the reports of adult survivors of childhood physical and sexual assault place the innocent looking sleep overs in a very different light. While away from home in settings that their parents believed were completely safe, they report being severely traumatized by atrocities that they never told their parents about – perhaps because they could not bear to remember them or because of severe threats of what would happen if they did tell.
The distressing reports of courageous survivors can help today's parents be more street smart about how child predators work. Armed with more information about predators, they will be more cautious about where their children are allowed to go overnight.
Parents must first abandon common stereotypes about child predators. Parents know that some predators, such as pedophiles, are driven by sexual attraction to children. However they may not be aware that others are motivated by sadism or hunger for power. Still other predators act out of social and financial incentives. They may be young or old, male or female, extroverted or shy.
What all committed predators have in a common is the set of skills needed to acquire the trust of parents. Obviously trust is an essential prerequisite to gaining access to victims. To secure that trust many predators hold high positions in their professions, are married with children and have excellent social skills. Many live in suburbia, having well kept homes, immaculate yards, and all of the outward trappings of respectability. Many predators attend church regularly and serve actively.
Inwardly they are raving wolves, but parents never see that side of them. Only their children do, and only when the predators are alone with them. Then the rules change. Then all of the once-respected boundaries are dissolved. What happens is governed by who has the power and the predators have it all.
Parents have learned that in this complex society they must limit their trust to protect themselves from being scammed or exploited. They may shred documents to prevent identify theft, delete emails telling them they have just won the sweepstakes in Nigeria, and withhold information from strangers who call on the phone asking questions. But placing limits on their trust of friends, relatives, neighbors, coworkers and members of their church congregation may seem excessive or overprotective.
However, in our modern society parents must set limits to protect their families, because today's child predators ply their trade with incredible cunning by exploiting the naivety of those friends, relatives, neighbors, coworkers and fellow church members who might be persuaded, if the circumstances were right, to allow them access to their most precious possessions – their children.
How can limits be placed on trust without offending – without implying that parents suspect someone of being a closet predator? The best way, perhaps the only way, is to establish the family rule that no sleep overs are allowed with anyone. Then when someone asks if a child can stay overnight at their home the answer is "no" regardless of who asked. The answer is "no" because that is a family rule, not because the person extending the invitation is suspected of something. Eventually, if enough parents use this approach, a new community standard will be established. A time honored tradition, the sleep over, will be another casualty of our society's loss of innocence. And our children will be safer.
About The Author Jerry McMullin has a Bachelor's Degree in history, a Masters Degree in Library and Information Science, and a Masters Degree in Professional Counseling. http://www.saferchildren.net
Tips on How to Teach Your Kids to Save Money
A lot of teens nowadays do not understand the value of earning and spending money. They were not oriented that investing is necessary even if they are still students. As parents, you play a crucial role in this area.
You should be able to teach your kids on how to save money. They should be able to understand the concept of money and investment as early as childhood. This will prepare them to learn money management, as they grow old.
Here are some tips on how you can teach your children how to save money:
1. Your children should be educated of the meaning of money. Once your children have learned how to count, that is the perfect time for you teach them the real meaning of money. You should be consistent and explain to them in simple ways and do this frequently so that they may be able to remember what you taught them.
2. Always explain to them the value of saving money. Make them understand its importance and how it will impact their life. It is important that you entertain questions from them about money and you should be able to answer them right away.
3. When giving them their allowances. You need to give them their allowances in denominations. Then you can encourage them that they should keep a certain bill for the future. You can motivate them to do this by telling them that the money can be saved and they can buy new pair of shoes or the toys they want once they are able to save.
4. You can also teach them to work for money. You can start this at your own home. You can pay them fifty cents to one dollar every time they clean their rooms, do the dishes or feed their pets. This concept of earning little money will make them think that money is something they have worked for and should be spent wisely.
5. You can teach them to save money by giving them piggy banks where they can put coins and wait until they get full. You can also open bank accounts for them and let them deposit money from their allowance. You should always show them how much they have earned to keep them motivated.
Money and saving is not something that is learned by children in one sitting. You should be patient in teaching them and relating the value of money in all of their activities. Children will learn this easily if you are patient and consistent in guiding them and encouraging them in this endeavor.
About The Author Norleen Gray http://www.norleen--online.com
This Box Must Stay With The Article If You would Like To Publish It.
You should be able to teach your kids on how to save money. They should be able to understand the concept of money and investment as early as childhood. This will prepare them to learn money management, as they grow old.
Here are some tips on how you can teach your children how to save money:
1. Your children should be educated of the meaning of money. Once your children have learned how to count, that is the perfect time for you teach them the real meaning of money. You should be consistent and explain to them in simple ways and do this frequently so that they may be able to remember what you taught them.
2. Always explain to them the value of saving money. Make them understand its importance and how it will impact their life. It is important that you entertain questions from them about money and you should be able to answer them right away.
3. When giving them their allowances. You need to give them their allowances in denominations. Then you can encourage them that they should keep a certain bill for the future. You can motivate them to do this by telling them that the money can be saved and they can buy new pair of shoes or the toys they want once they are able to save.
4. You can also teach them to work for money. You can start this at your own home. You can pay them fifty cents to one dollar every time they clean their rooms, do the dishes or feed their pets. This concept of earning little money will make them think that money is something they have worked for and should be spent wisely.
5. You can teach them to save money by giving them piggy banks where they can put coins and wait until they get full. You can also open bank accounts for them and let them deposit money from their allowance. You should always show them how much they have earned to keep them motivated.
Money and saving is not something that is learned by children in one sitting. You should be patient in teaching them and relating the value of money in all of their activities. Children will learn this easily if you are patient and consistent in guiding them and encouraging them in this endeavor.
About The Author Norleen Gray http://www.norleen--online.com
This Box Must Stay With The Article If You would Like To Publish It.
Oh, You Are Just Spoiled Rotten!
If you've ever called your own child spoiled rotten, you should be ashamed of yourself. Call someone else's kid that, no problem, but not your own. Why? Because all we can see of someone else's child is a result, and it may be disturbing. Whereas in your own case, the child is the 'spoilee' and you are the 'spoiler'. OK, perhaps your spouse, but you both have some responsibility in it.
Your child is like a dry sponge, with thousands of little cavities waiting to be filled up. And around the child is a world bursting with candy, toys, activities, snacks, TV and computer games all eager to pounce. And who is in the middle? You, the gatekeeper. The key master. The valve.
Now, if you think about it, a sponge works so so when it is bone dry. It actually works a little better when slightly damp, but if the valve is broken, the sponge will fill to capacity quickly and become useless.
Granted, you can point a finger at your mate. He or she is the one who gives Bobby everything he wants. You've even argued about it from time to time, and the same thing is said every time. "Come on, it's just until 11:00", or "think of how happy it will make him", or "I never got one of these when I was a kid", or "OK, but just this once". Sound familiar?
Almost everyone is guilty of this lack of will power to some degree. Unfortunately, if a parent lacks will power, the child will lack even more. This will develop to the point that the child will have no reason to deny him or herself anything. The notion was never passed down from the previous generation. Exercise a little restraint, can't ya?
OK, why should anyone deprive themselves of anything? Seems like a reasonable question. Well, for starters, if, in the extreme case, you got everything you asked for, you would never get to the point of truly wanting for something. However, without wanting something you can't have, at least right away, you don't set goals. And without goals you don't get anywhere. You are simply a full, soggy, sponge.
In addition, the spoiled rotten trait delivers a one-two punch. The spoiled individual may have little concept of the value of something. And worse still, the idea of having to save up for it and buy it on their own can seem ridiculous. Then there is the issue of generosity. How often is a spoiled individual truly generous? These and more negative characteristics can be attributed to someone who is spoiled rotten.
So my point is that as the guardian of all that is innocent and pure, being your child, you have the responsibility to think about such things and teach yourself how to control that which, if left unchecked, might put your child's life out of balance. If discussions with your spouse are called for and may cause some short term distress, better that than passing a bad apple down to your children to make them spoiled rotten.
I heard a remarkable phrase recently that I'd like to relate here. It had to do with ecology, global warming etc. "We did not inherit the earth from our parents, we are borrowing it from our children". And, in a way, I see this fitting in that we are the keepers of (their) childhood so that we can give it back healthy and strong.
About The Author Phil Girouard is a father, coach and published author of several artcles on parenting. His light hearted, almost tongue in cheek, approach helps ease young parents into guiding their gradeschoolers through the many trials of growing up. Phil operates http://www.short-stories-help-children.com
Your child is like a dry sponge, with thousands of little cavities waiting to be filled up. And around the child is a world bursting with candy, toys, activities, snacks, TV and computer games all eager to pounce. And who is in the middle? You, the gatekeeper. The key master. The valve.
Now, if you think about it, a sponge works so so when it is bone dry. It actually works a little better when slightly damp, but if the valve is broken, the sponge will fill to capacity quickly and become useless.
Granted, you can point a finger at your mate. He or she is the one who gives Bobby everything he wants. You've even argued about it from time to time, and the same thing is said every time. "Come on, it's just until 11:00", or "think of how happy it will make him", or "I never got one of these when I was a kid", or "OK, but just this once". Sound familiar?
Almost everyone is guilty of this lack of will power to some degree. Unfortunately, if a parent lacks will power, the child will lack even more. This will develop to the point that the child will have no reason to deny him or herself anything. The notion was never passed down from the previous generation. Exercise a little restraint, can't ya?
OK, why should anyone deprive themselves of anything? Seems like a reasonable question. Well, for starters, if, in the extreme case, you got everything you asked for, you would never get to the point of truly wanting for something. However, without wanting something you can't have, at least right away, you don't set goals. And without goals you don't get anywhere. You are simply a full, soggy, sponge.
In addition, the spoiled rotten trait delivers a one-two punch. The spoiled individual may have little concept of the value of something. And worse still, the idea of having to save up for it and buy it on their own can seem ridiculous. Then there is the issue of generosity. How often is a spoiled individual truly generous? These and more negative characteristics can be attributed to someone who is spoiled rotten.
So my point is that as the guardian of all that is innocent and pure, being your child, you have the responsibility to think about such things and teach yourself how to control that which, if left unchecked, might put your child's life out of balance. If discussions with your spouse are called for and may cause some short term distress, better that than passing a bad apple down to your children to make them spoiled rotten.
I heard a remarkable phrase recently that I'd like to relate here. It had to do with ecology, global warming etc. "We did not inherit the earth from our parents, we are borrowing it from our children". And, in a way, I see this fitting in that we are the keepers of (their) childhood so that we can give it back healthy and strong.
About The Author Phil Girouard is a father, coach and published author of several artcles on parenting. His light hearted, almost tongue in cheek, approach helps ease young parents into guiding their gradeschoolers through the many trials of growing up. Phil operates http://www.short-stories-help-children.com
How To Keep Kids Safe From Predators This Holiday Season
Like many parents at this time of year, I often find myself overscheduled and racing from one task to the next, frequently with my daughter in tow. In fact, at a recent parent workshop I was teaching, the subject came up about how to keep our kids safe during this hectic time of year.
In other words, how do we keep an eye on our kids, as we juggle assorted holiday chores, shopping, and outings, etc?
Of course, nothing beats plain old-fashioned, hand-holding supervision. But let's face it; it's not always that simple. Especially when your children are not exactly toddlers anymore. And even if they are, when was the last time your toddler let you calmly drag them by the hand through boring, mundane, grown-up tasks -- without whining, squirming, or even making a run-for-it the minute something interesting catches their eye? It's enough to make you want to stay home and order everything off the Internet!
According to statistics from the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, non-family child abductions are actually decreasing. That's encouraging news. Yet, it doesn't mean that we can let our guard down, or not teach our children some very important safety rules.
Whether you're driving across town for a shopping trip or headed to the airport, here are some common sense tips to help you navigate through this busy time of year.
Holiday Safety Tips for Grown-Ups and Kids…
1. Nothing takes the place of your supervision whenever you're out in public. However if you feel that you will be distracted during your holiday shopping, make other arrangements for your children. It's easy for you and the kids to get sidetracked with all the sights, sounds, and smells surrounding us at holiday time.
2. If children do become separated from you, teach them to look for a "safe stranger" who can help them. For example, a mom with kids or the cash register person can help a child who is lost. Avoid telling children to go to the "manager." Any adult in a suit, who looks important, can look like the manager to a child.
3. Children must know that they should never leave the mall or store to go looking for you in the parking lot. Let them know that you will never leave until you are reunited.
4. In an emergency, a loud yell is one of the best things a child can do. Teach them to yell out "Mom, Dad!" "Stop!" "Help!" "This is not my Dad!" A child calling attention to himself in public is a predator's worst nightmare.
5. Dress children in brightly colored clothes to help keep them easily visible, and be sure to remember what they are wearing. Especially their shoes.
6. In busy places like airports or shopping malls, consider using a cute harness for toddlers who are prone to running off. Don't worry about what others may think. It's your peace of mind that is most important.
7. Remind children of the "check first" rule. Kids must always check first with you before going anywhere in a public place, including another store, play area, or even the restroom.
8. Never leave children alone at public facilities such as video arcades, movie theaters, play areas, etc. as a "convenient babysitter" while holiday shopping. Predators are known to look for kids who are unsupervised.
9. Always bring young children into the restroom with you. Avoid facilities that are down dark or long hallways. Look for well-lit restrooms in high traffic areas.
10. If you are comfortable with letting an older child (at least 10 years old) use the restroom alone, always stand outside the door and call in as your child enters, "I'm right out here if you need me." "Is everything okay?" Insist that your child answers you. If you don't get an answer or are unsure, enter the restroom immediately to be sure your child is safe. Informing your child that you'll be doing this will encourage them to answer you quickly.
11. Discuss age-appropriate safety issues with your child in a calm, non-fearful manner. When discussing "strangers," inform them that it isn't what a person looks like, it's what they ask a child to do that makes someone dangerous. Kids have been known to leave with a stranger because "he looked nice" or "he didn't look like a stranger."
12. Review your home address and phone number with children. All kids should know their parents' cell phone number. If necessary, you can write in on a slip of paper, and tuck it into their pocket.
About The Author Pattie Fitzgerald, founder of Safely Ever After, Inc., is a certified child predator safety educator. She provides non-fearful safety workshops for parents and kids, and trains crime prevention educators and children's advocacy groups across the country. Ms. Fitzgerald is also a keynote speaker, a published writer, and has been featured on Good Morning America, CNN Headline News, and MSNBC, among others. For more information, visit http://www.safelyeverafter.com
In other words, how do we keep an eye on our kids, as we juggle assorted holiday chores, shopping, and outings, etc?
Of course, nothing beats plain old-fashioned, hand-holding supervision. But let's face it; it's not always that simple. Especially when your children are not exactly toddlers anymore. And even if they are, when was the last time your toddler let you calmly drag them by the hand through boring, mundane, grown-up tasks -- without whining, squirming, or even making a run-for-it the minute something interesting catches their eye? It's enough to make you want to stay home and order everything off the Internet!
According to statistics from the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, non-family child abductions are actually decreasing. That's encouraging news. Yet, it doesn't mean that we can let our guard down, or not teach our children some very important safety rules.
Whether you're driving across town for a shopping trip or headed to the airport, here are some common sense tips to help you navigate through this busy time of year.
Holiday Safety Tips for Grown-Ups and Kids…
1. Nothing takes the place of your supervision whenever you're out in public. However if you feel that you will be distracted during your holiday shopping, make other arrangements for your children. It's easy for you and the kids to get sidetracked with all the sights, sounds, and smells surrounding us at holiday time.
2. If children do become separated from you, teach them to look for a "safe stranger" who can help them. For example, a mom with kids or the cash register person can help a child who is lost. Avoid telling children to go to the "manager." Any adult in a suit, who looks important, can look like the manager to a child.
3. Children must know that they should never leave the mall or store to go looking for you in the parking lot. Let them know that you will never leave until you are reunited.
4. In an emergency, a loud yell is one of the best things a child can do. Teach them to yell out "Mom, Dad!" "Stop!" "Help!" "This is not my Dad!" A child calling attention to himself in public is a predator's worst nightmare.
5. Dress children in brightly colored clothes to help keep them easily visible, and be sure to remember what they are wearing. Especially their shoes.
6. In busy places like airports or shopping malls, consider using a cute harness for toddlers who are prone to running off. Don't worry about what others may think. It's your peace of mind that is most important.
7. Remind children of the "check first" rule. Kids must always check first with you before going anywhere in a public place, including another store, play area, or even the restroom.
8. Never leave children alone at public facilities such as video arcades, movie theaters, play areas, etc. as a "convenient babysitter" while holiday shopping. Predators are known to look for kids who are unsupervised.
9. Always bring young children into the restroom with you. Avoid facilities that are down dark or long hallways. Look for well-lit restrooms in high traffic areas.
10. If you are comfortable with letting an older child (at least 10 years old) use the restroom alone, always stand outside the door and call in as your child enters, "I'm right out here if you need me." "Is everything okay?" Insist that your child answers you. If you don't get an answer or are unsure, enter the restroom immediately to be sure your child is safe. Informing your child that you'll be doing this will encourage them to answer you quickly.
11. Discuss age-appropriate safety issues with your child in a calm, non-fearful manner. When discussing "strangers," inform them that it isn't what a person looks like, it's what they ask a child to do that makes someone dangerous. Kids have been known to leave with a stranger because "he looked nice" or "he didn't look like a stranger."
12. Review your home address and phone number with children. All kids should know their parents' cell phone number. If necessary, you can write in on a slip of paper, and tuck it into their pocket.
About The Author Pattie Fitzgerald, founder of Safely Ever After, Inc., is a certified child predator safety educator. She provides non-fearful safety workshops for parents and kids, and trains crime prevention educators and children's advocacy groups across the country. Ms. Fitzgerald is also a keynote speaker, a published writer, and has been featured on Good Morning America, CNN Headline News, and MSNBC, among others. For more information, visit http://www.safelyeverafter.com
Children And Self-Expression
There is nothing more important to childhood development than self-expression. A child must be able to express what he or she wants and how he or she feels with freedom and safety. Children that do not grow up in an environment of respect, love, and compassion often find difficulty opening up to others as they grow up and often experience many different mental and emotional pitfalls. It’s no secret that allowing your child to express his or her feelings, emotions, thoughts, and creativity in a safe environment is one of the most beneficial parts to raising a child.
Artistic Expression
One of the best ways that kids express themselves is through artistic means. Painting, finger-painting, drawing, sketching, coloring, and writing all have been proven to provide a solid outlet for many of the strong emotions that children deal with. Many psychologists and therapists find stunning information about a child within the drawings or artwork of that child, making creativity one of the most enlightening and though-provoking experiences of a child’s life.
Allowing a child to paint or draw with freedom and without boundaries is a critical component to childhood development because it opens the mind and frees the spirit. Within a few moments of coloring or drawing seemingly unrelated objects or shapes on a page, a child can form thoughts and ideas that may be surprising to the parent. This process is incredibly important in the development of communication skills, emotional skills, and psychological awareness.
Playful Expression
Another great way to help kids express themselves is through playful expression. Allowing children to safely and securely play with one another, whether through sports or other recreational pursuits, is a great way to help teach cooperation, relationship skills, and respect for others. By setting up reasonable boundaries and rules for playtime, a parent can safely guide their children through the motions of responsible play and activity without interfering with their development.
There are many great board games and interactive games to play with children that enhance the creative energy and create positive influences. Parking the child in front of the television is a poor choice for a number of reasons, the least of which is that television is a one-way medium and does not encourage any creative or critical thinking on behalf of the child. If television is a must, the parent should watch television with the child so as to provide some sort of platform for genuine interaction.
Building Expression
A final example of a great way to promote self-expression in children is through the building of objects. Dollhouses, model cars, and other objects that require construction are great ways to promote natural progression and creativity within a certain set of boundaries. As the child learns to follow the instructions for putting together the dollhouse or model car, he or she becomes aware of the role of instructions and guidelines and is able to employ creative techniques to produce the end result.
Creativity through the guidelines of building an object, such as a dollhouse, is an important facet of life for children to learn, as many of the real-life situations they will find themselves in will call upon the skills learned through early childhood development.
About The Author Veronica Scott
Learn more about the fascinating world of miniatures. Visit http://www.themagicaldollhouse.com today for a great selection of wooden doll houses and dollhouse accessories from top miniature companies.
Artistic Expression
One of the best ways that kids express themselves is through artistic means. Painting, finger-painting, drawing, sketching, coloring, and writing all have been proven to provide a solid outlet for many of the strong emotions that children deal with. Many psychologists and therapists find stunning information about a child within the drawings or artwork of that child, making creativity one of the most enlightening and though-provoking experiences of a child’s life.
Allowing a child to paint or draw with freedom and without boundaries is a critical component to childhood development because it opens the mind and frees the spirit. Within a few moments of coloring or drawing seemingly unrelated objects or shapes on a page, a child can form thoughts and ideas that may be surprising to the parent. This process is incredibly important in the development of communication skills, emotional skills, and psychological awareness.
Playful Expression
Another great way to help kids express themselves is through playful expression. Allowing children to safely and securely play with one another, whether through sports or other recreational pursuits, is a great way to help teach cooperation, relationship skills, and respect for others. By setting up reasonable boundaries and rules for playtime, a parent can safely guide their children through the motions of responsible play and activity without interfering with their development.
There are many great board games and interactive games to play with children that enhance the creative energy and create positive influences. Parking the child in front of the television is a poor choice for a number of reasons, the least of which is that television is a one-way medium and does not encourage any creative or critical thinking on behalf of the child. If television is a must, the parent should watch television with the child so as to provide some sort of platform for genuine interaction.
Building Expression
A final example of a great way to promote self-expression in children is through the building of objects. Dollhouses, model cars, and other objects that require construction are great ways to promote natural progression and creativity within a certain set of boundaries. As the child learns to follow the instructions for putting together the dollhouse or model car, he or she becomes aware of the role of instructions and guidelines and is able to employ creative techniques to produce the end result.
Creativity through the guidelines of building an object, such as a dollhouse, is an important facet of life for children to learn, as many of the real-life situations they will find themselves in will call upon the skills learned through early childhood development.
About The Author Veronica Scott
Learn more about the fascinating world of miniatures. Visit http://www.themagicaldollhouse.com today for a great selection of wooden doll houses and dollhouse accessories from top miniature companies.
The Perils of Teenage Drinking
My husband and I had a very disturbing weekend.
It centered around an issue that far too many parents either don’t take seriously enough or bury their heads in the sand and avoid altogether.
I’m talking about teenage drinking.
Fortunately, the weekend turmoil resulted not from my own kids’ drinking but from the ignorance and denial exhibited by other parents. But before I climb up on my soapbox, let’s take a look at some frightening statistics.
Currently, alcohol use among young people under 21 is the leading drug problem in the U.S. According to the Center on Alcohol Marketing and Youth at Georgetown University:
• More youths in the U.S. drink alcohol than smoke tobacco or marijuana, making it the drug most used by young Americans.
• Every day, 5,400 young people under 16 take their first drink of alcohol.
• In 2005, one out of six eighth-graders, one in three tenth-graders, and nearly one out of two twelfth-graders were current drinkers.
• In 2004, more than 7 million youths ages 12 to 20 reported binge drinking, which is defined as “having five or more drinks on at least one occasion in the past 30 days.”
In addition, recent surveys have also found that:
• Girls are binge drinking more, while boys are binging less or increasing their binging at a slower rate than their female peers.
• Twelfth-grade female drinkers and binge drinkers are now more likely to drink distilled spirits than beer.
• The new "Alco pops" are particularly attractive to girls, and are most popular with the youngest drinkers.
The consequences of underage drinking are heartbreaking:
• Every day, three teens die from drinking and driving.
• At least six more youths under 21 die each day in non-driving alcohol-related cases, such as homicide, suicide and drowning.
• More than 70,000 college students are victims of alcohol-related sexual assault or date rape each year.
• Recent studies have found that heavy exposure to alcohol may interfere with adolescent brain development, causing loss of memory and other skills.
For a complete report of this Executive Summary, please see http://camy.org/research/status0306/
A Parent In Denial
These are sobering statistics, ones that every parent should take note of. So why is it that most of the parents I talk seem to be in complete denial?
This weekend, my husband and I were awakened at 1:20 a.m. by a parent who called to tell us that our son had been drinking and was running around drunk. When I asked what made him think our son was drunk, he claimed that our son and several others had been in his house drinking (unsupervised), and took off when he and his wife came home.
Not surprisingly, this parent sounded quite upset. Because the drinking took place in his home, he was worried about what would happen if any of the boys in question got in trouble or, worse, got killed in a car crash.
I asked him to calm down, and explained that my son was already home. Although he did have one beer while at his friend’s house, he wasn’t drunk and he wasn’t driving. Moreover, all the other boys involved were at home and safe in bed.
At that point, the parent flew into a rage, saying he couldn’t believe that I knew my son drinks and questioning my fitness as a parent. When I asked if he knew that his own son drinks, he insisted that I didn’t know what I was talking about and ordered my son to stay out of his house.
The sad part is, his response did not shock or even surprise me very much. In fact, I have had this conversation (or ones very much like it) with parents on a regular basis. For some reason, parents don’t want to acknowledge that their kids drink, smoke, or try drugs. Of course, other kids do these kinds of things, but never their own.
This Is Your Wakeup Call!
I happen to know that this particular parent’s son has a serious drinking problem. Not only does he drink too often and too much (often during school), he also drives when he drinks. Yet, his parents refuse to acknowledge that he drinks at all, much less has a drinking problem.
Obviously, not every teenager has a drinking problem. But the harsh reality is this -- like it or not, your kids will try cigarettes, alcohol and at least one recreational drug. Their behavior afterwards, and the choices they continue to make regarding alcohol and drugs, will depend to a large extent on your reaction to those experiments.
Instead of getting bent out of shape and claiming that it can’t or won’t happen in your house, please talk to your kids and listen without judgment. Allow your teenage children to confide in you, so that you can be there for them and guide them when they get into questionable situations.
My kids know -- because I have told them again and again -- that while I don’t support their drinking, I will be there for them (and all of their friends) if they should become inebriated. No matter what time of day or night, I will pick them up and drive everyone home if they don’t have a sober driver.
Even at fabulously forty we can still make bad choices, and we sometimes pay a hefty price when we do. So it’s natural to want to prevent our kids from doing the same.
But it’s far more important that our kids know that we love them and will be there for them when they do make a mistake.
Our children are a reflection on us, and we want them to be perfect. But as we all know, we don’t live in a perfect world. The way I see it, we have two choices. We can choose to have kids that are not so perfect but are alive and well, or we can choose to be ignorant of their faults and risk losing them.
Personally, I choose the first option. For your sake and that of your teenagers, I hope you do the same.
About The Author Yana Berlin is the founder and CEO of www.fabulously40.com, devoted to the celebration of all things “woman,” especially the challenges and joys women face juggling their careers, children, relationships and life’s other issues. Fabulously 40.com. is a social network for women that catalyzes its members to celebrate and embrace their life. Since launching www.fabulously40.com, Mrs. Berlin has been connecting, and supporting women all over the world.
http://www.fabulously40.com
It centered around an issue that far too many parents either don’t take seriously enough or bury their heads in the sand and avoid altogether.
I’m talking about teenage drinking.
Fortunately, the weekend turmoil resulted not from my own kids’ drinking but from the ignorance and denial exhibited by other parents. But before I climb up on my soapbox, let’s take a look at some frightening statistics.
Currently, alcohol use among young people under 21 is the leading drug problem in the U.S. According to the Center on Alcohol Marketing and Youth at Georgetown University:
• More youths in the U.S. drink alcohol than smoke tobacco or marijuana, making it the drug most used by young Americans.
• Every day, 5,400 young people under 16 take their first drink of alcohol.
• In 2005, one out of six eighth-graders, one in three tenth-graders, and nearly one out of two twelfth-graders were current drinkers.
• In 2004, more than 7 million youths ages 12 to 20 reported binge drinking, which is defined as “having five or more drinks on at least one occasion in the past 30 days.”
In addition, recent surveys have also found that:
• Girls are binge drinking more, while boys are binging less or increasing their binging at a slower rate than their female peers.
• Twelfth-grade female drinkers and binge drinkers are now more likely to drink distilled spirits than beer.
• The new "Alco pops" are particularly attractive to girls, and are most popular with the youngest drinkers.
The consequences of underage drinking are heartbreaking:
• Every day, three teens die from drinking and driving.
• At least six more youths under 21 die each day in non-driving alcohol-related cases, such as homicide, suicide and drowning.
• More than 70,000 college students are victims of alcohol-related sexual assault or date rape each year.
• Recent studies have found that heavy exposure to alcohol may interfere with adolescent brain development, causing loss of memory and other skills.
For a complete report of this Executive Summary, please see http://camy.org/research/status0306/
A Parent In Denial
These are sobering statistics, ones that every parent should take note of. So why is it that most of the parents I talk seem to be in complete denial?
This weekend, my husband and I were awakened at 1:20 a.m. by a parent who called to tell us that our son had been drinking and was running around drunk. When I asked what made him think our son was drunk, he claimed that our son and several others had been in his house drinking (unsupervised), and took off when he and his wife came home.
Not surprisingly, this parent sounded quite upset. Because the drinking took place in his home, he was worried about what would happen if any of the boys in question got in trouble or, worse, got killed in a car crash.
I asked him to calm down, and explained that my son was already home. Although he did have one beer while at his friend’s house, he wasn’t drunk and he wasn’t driving. Moreover, all the other boys involved were at home and safe in bed.
At that point, the parent flew into a rage, saying he couldn’t believe that I knew my son drinks and questioning my fitness as a parent. When I asked if he knew that his own son drinks, he insisted that I didn’t know what I was talking about and ordered my son to stay out of his house.
The sad part is, his response did not shock or even surprise me very much. In fact, I have had this conversation (or ones very much like it) with parents on a regular basis. For some reason, parents don’t want to acknowledge that their kids drink, smoke, or try drugs. Of course, other kids do these kinds of things, but never their own.
This Is Your Wakeup Call!
I happen to know that this particular parent’s son has a serious drinking problem. Not only does he drink too often and too much (often during school), he also drives when he drinks. Yet, his parents refuse to acknowledge that he drinks at all, much less has a drinking problem.
Obviously, not every teenager has a drinking problem. But the harsh reality is this -- like it or not, your kids will try cigarettes, alcohol and at least one recreational drug. Their behavior afterwards, and the choices they continue to make regarding alcohol and drugs, will depend to a large extent on your reaction to those experiments.
Instead of getting bent out of shape and claiming that it can’t or won’t happen in your house, please talk to your kids and listen without judgment. Allow your teenage children to confide in you, so that you can be there for them and guide them when they get into questionable situations.
My kids know -- because I have told them again and again -- that while I don’t support their drinking, I will be there for them (and all of their friends) if they should become inebriated. No matter what time of day or night, I will pick them up and drive everyone home if they don’t have a sober driver.
Even at fabulously forty we can still make bad choices, and we sometimes pay a hefty price when we do. So it’s natural to want to prevent our kids from doing the same.
But it’s far more important that our kids know that we love them and will be there for them when they do make a mistake.
Our children are a reflection on us, and we want them to be perfect. But as we all know, we don’t live in a perfect world. The way I see it, we have two choices. We can choose to have kids that are not so perfect but are alive and well, or we can choose to be ignorant of their faults and risk losing them.
Personally, I choose the first option. For your sake and that of your teenagers, I hope you do the same.
About The Author Yana Berlin is the founder and CEO of www.fabulously40.com, devoted to the celebration of all things “woman,” especially the challenges and joys women face juggling their careers, children, relationships and life’s other issues. Fabulously 40.com. is a social network for women that catalyzes its members to celebrate and embrace their life. Since launching www.fabulously40.com, Mrs. Berlin has been connecting, and supporting women all over the world.
http://www.fabulously40.com
How Children Benefit From Pretend Play Kitchen, Stores, And More
Once upon time, you may have worn your mother’s favorite apron while arranging miniature tea sets on a tiny table, serving imaginary tea and scones to your favorite doll. Or you may have been in command of your action figures, leading them to the battlefield in the center of your living room.
The character you were playing when you were young - a chef in a play kitchen or a general in the Stars Wars of your imagination – are still perhaps being played by many children nowadays. Pretend play is such a source of joy that even with the advent of so many modern games, this old-fashioned imaginative play never loses its appeal.
Promoting Pretend Play
Because of the many benefits it can give, children should be encouraged to engage in pretend play. But never impose the idea or it will lose its appeal. Here are some scenarios for starting a pretend play:
- If you see your little girl constantly dressing up her doll, ask her where her dolly is off to and maybe it’s better for little dolly to have something to eat in the play kitchen before taking off.
- When your little boy is playing with his action figures, comment on how the little ones need the guidance of a teacher or the care of a doctor.
- If your child pretends to be a wild animal ready to pounce on you, go along with it. You can act scared at first and then pretend to tame him by giving imaginary food and petting him on the head.
As children warm up to the idea of role playing, whoever’s babysitting would usually be assigned a role. It may seem ridiculous for a grown up like you to assist in a play kitchen or act as the customer in a lemonade stand the size of your arm. But the benefits it can bring to your child won’t make it so ridiculous anymore.
Benefits of Pretend Play
Social and Emotional Development - Children can become whoever they want to be in pretend play. Because of this, they are able to get a very basic view of how it’s like to be a doctor with his toy hospital or how it’s like to be a chef with her play kitchen. As kids act out the part of somebody else, empathy is planted. When children realize they can be any character they want to be, their self-confidence could grow. And with this comes the desire and strength to explore new things.
Mental Development - Even if it’s just child’s play, there are also many problem-solving situations that children encounter during role playing. It may be a concern on what material should best replace a lost play kitchen spoon or who among the action figures to pick as the second in command. The process of looking for solutions to obstacles develops the analytical skills of your child. It also promotes resourcefulness, creativity, abstract thinking and logical reasoning.
Communication - Whether children are playing with their parents, playmates, dolls or imaginary friends, they will always engage in conversation. A child starts to learn the importance of communication, especially when he or she mimics grown-up talk and actions. When children pretend to read to their dolls or write down grocery lists, they may be motivated to start learning how to read and write.
So encourage your child to pretend play. You can start off by presenting a play kitchen or a doctor’s kit. Remember, the skills that your child learns here are the skills that matter in real life.
About The Author Rony Pollock
Encourage your children to engage in pretend play with a play kitchen (http://www.ronjuneshop.com/kidstoys-pretendplay.html) or toy piano (http://www.ronjuneshop.com/childrenstoypiano.html)! Get all these and kids' rocking chairs (http://www.ronjuneshop.com/childrens-rockingchairs.html) at http://RonJuneShop.com today.
The character you were playing when you were young - a chef in a play kitchen or a general in the Stars Wars of your imagination – are still perhaps being played by many children nowadays. Pretend play is such a source of joy that even with the advent of so many modern games, this old-fashioned imaginative play never loses its appeal.
Promoting Pretend Play
Because of the many benefits it can give, children should be encouraged to engage in pretend play. But never impose the idea or it will lose its appeal. Here are some scenarios for starting a pretend play:
- If you see your little girl constantly dressing up her doll, ask her where her dolly is off to and maybe it’s better for little dolly to have something to eat in the play kitchen before taking off.
- When your little boy is playing with his action figures, comment on how the little ones need the guidance of a teacher or the care of a doctor.
- If your child pretends to be a wild animal ready to pounce on you, go along with it. You can act scared at first and then pretend to tame him by giving imaginary food and petting him on the head.
As children warm up to the idea of role playing, whoever’s babysitting would usually be assigned a role. It may seem ridiculous for a grown up like you to assist in a play kitchen or act as the customer in a lemonade stand the size of your arm. But the benefits it can bring to your child won’t make it so ridiculous anymore.
Benefits of Pretend Play
Social and Emotional Development - Children can become whoever they want to be in pretend play. Because of this, they are able to get a very basic view of how it’s like to be a doctor with his toy hospital or how it’s like to be a chef with her play kitchen. As kids act out the part of somebody else, empathy is planted. When children realize they can be any character they want to be, their self-confidence could grow. And with this comes the desire and strength to explore new things.
Mental Development - Even if it’s just child’s play, there are also many problem-solving situations that children encounter during role playing. It may be a concern on what material should best replace a lost play kitchen spoon or who among the action figures to pick as the second in command. The process of looking for solutions to obstacles develops the analytical skills of your child. It also promotes resourcefulness, creativity, abstract thinking and logical reasoning.
Communication - Whether children are playing with their parents, playmates, dolls or imaginary friends, they will always engage in conversation. A child starts to learn the importance of communication, especially when he or she mimics grown-up talk and actions. When children pretend to read to their dolls or write down grocery lists, they may be motivated to start learning how to read and write.
So encourage your child to pretend play. You can start off by presenting a play kitchen or a doctor’s kit. Remember, the skills that your child learns here are the skills that matter in real life.
About The Author Rony Pollock
Encourage your children to engage in pretend play with a play kitchen (http://www.ronjuneshop.com/kidstoys-pretendplay.html) or toy piano (http://www.ronjuneshop.com/childrenstoypiano.html)! Get all these and kids' rocking chairs (http://www.ronjuneshop.com/childrens-rockingchairs.html) at http://RonJuneShop.com today.
10 Guidelines For Parents Of Kids Playing Video Games
Gaming is a part of modern life. Research shows that children young and old game for between 13 and 30 hours a week. It is near to impossible to keep children away from computer or video gaming.
When you cannot beat the system it is best to join it in a “safe” way. Parents can educate themselves on the varied aspects of video gaming by reading articles and tips on the World Wide Web. They can with knowledge make every effort to ensure that their kids receive a rounded upbringing.
Here are a few guidelines to help:
1. Always befriend your children and know the games they play. Study guidelines given by the Entertainment Software Board and lead the recommendations and appropriate guidelines given on the content label of games.
2. Store www.ESRB.com in your computer as a favorite and keep abreat of game reviews and ratings.
3. Network with other parents as well as school and Y teachers. Share information and observations on kids and gaming.
4. Have an open relationship with the child or children and promote a friendship and comfort level so that the child shares its experiences and fears.
5. Be an observant parent and note any behavioral changes shown by the child.
6. Be an informed and cautious buyer and question claims made by gaming companies. Feel free to voice your opinion if you feel any game has objectionable content.
7. Give your child a rounded upbringing and introduce many activities you can enjoy together like sports, hikes, sailing and so on. Outdoor activities benefit children and help limit computer time.
8. Ensure that the child grows up to be confident, understanding, curious, and a happy child. Keep a watch for unwarranted secrecy, aggression, or violence.
9. Use gaming to maximize your child’s interest and choose games that need strategies and decisions. Minimize games that are violent and just involve shooting, destruction, and attacks.
10. When you refuse to buy a game, explain to the child why and make them understand why you discourage playing certain games.
Gaming can be beneficial and introduce technology, problem solving, logic and spatial as well as motor skills. Games are known to heal too! Parents need to understand the pros and cons of gaming and allow children to play games that are beneficial.
Be wise and limit time of playing video games. Encourage children to play in groups. Make time to play the games with the children. Understand the games and use the rating system as a guideline when purchasing a video game. Discourage children to borrow games from peers. If they do then encourage them to share with you what they have borrowed. Always make the effort of knowing what the children are playing with.
The gaming industry cares about Genx and so has put into place testing systems and advisory systems to protect children from the detrimental effects of gaming. Use the internet to educate yourself on video and computer gaming and learn how to protect your children.
About The Author Timothy Rudon is a writer for http://www.1888freeonlinegames.com , the premier website to find flash game, free flash game, flash games, online flash game, free online flash game, free flash game download, funny flash game, 2 flash games, play flash games, flash games to play and many more.
When you cannot beat the system it is best to join it in a “safe” way. Parents can educate themselves on the varied aspects of video gaming by reading articles and tips on the World Wide Web. They can with knowledge make every effort to ensure that their kids receive a rounded upbringing.
Here are a few guidelines to help:
1. Always befriend your children and know the games they play. Study guidelines given by the Entertainment Software Board and lead the recommendations and appropriate guidelines given on the content label of games.
2. Store www.ESRB.com in your computer as a favorite and keep abreat of game reviews and ratings.
3. Network with other parents as well as school and Y teachers. Share information and observations on kids and gaming.
4. Have an open relationship with the child or children and promote a friendship and comfort level so that the child shares its experiences and fears.
5. Be an observant parent and note any behavioral changes shown by the child.
6. Be an informed and cautious buyer and question claims made by gaming companies. Feel free to voice your opinion if you feel any game has objectionable content.
7. Give your child a rounded upbringing and introduce many activities you can enjoy together like sports, hikes, sailing and so on. Outdoor activities benefit children and help limit computer time.
8. Ensure that the child grows up to be confident, understanding, curious, and a happy child. Keep a watch for unwarranted secrecy, aggression, or violence.
9. Use gaming to maximize your child’s interest and choose games that need strategies and decisions. Minimize games that are violent and just involve shooting, destruction, and attacks.
10. When you refuse to buy a game, explain to the child why and make them understand why you discourage playing certain games.
Gaming can be beneficial and introduce technology, problem solving, logic and spatial as well as motor skills. Games are known to heal too! Parents need to understand the pros and cons of gaming and allow children to play games that are beneficial.
Be wise and limit time of playing video games. Encourage children to play in groups. Make time to play the games with the children. Understand the games and use the rating system as a guideline when purchasing a video game. Discourage children to borrow games from peers. If they do then encourage them to share with you what they have borrowed. Always make the effort of knowing what the children are playing with.
The gaming industry cares about Genx and so has put into place testing systems and advisory systems to protect children from the detrimental effects of gaming. Use the internet to educate yourself on video and computer gaming and learn how to protect your children.
About The Author Timothy Rudon is a writer for http://www.1888freeonlinegames.com , the premier website to find flash game, free flash game, flash games, online flash game, free online flash game, free flash game download, funny flash game, 2 flash games, play flash games, flash games to play and many more.
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